ALIEN - The Silent Dark 'The Lander'

Thank you B-Witch is a script? Interesting I m going to translate it and keep for myself.  

It's not a script, short-story tie-in to my main story. :)

Something of an 'experiment'.

A what? translation only to my PC.

Roger55

Apologies!! BUT I also owe you my Thanks!! Let me explain..

I forgot to put my name on it!! You last post gave me the idea to have quick check...and I discovered my omission!!

So, Thank-you Roger!!

By all means, please download a copy!! That's how I set the links!! Thank-you for your interest in my works!!

Do not worry is a nice gift for everyone here and should be fixed on top threads, congratulations!

Roger55

Thank-you for saying and the sentiments!! :)

It is a gift, never thought about that until you mentioned it, but you're right!!
I wrote this in the same mindset as I have for my Main story:
I enjoy this forum, the people here, and I wanted to give the membership something with a really good 'feel' of ALIEN, something that calls back upon the feeling and tone of the original 1979 film. :)

As to it being 'Featured', we'll have to wait and see I guess, but it would be nice, I readily admit that! :D

I am reading it. So what is Katherine, what is a Chimeran

joylitt

I left that part nebulous as it's a short-story and the more detailed explanation is found in the Main story.

Katherine is a Chimeran, and Chimerans are Biological weapons made for Military and Elite Personal Security (Bodyguards).
They are based off Optimized Human DNA but have assorted key aspects and segments of DNA from a variety of other animals and lifeforms native to Earth, as well as wholly synthesized DNA.

They were originally made in direct competitionwith Wetland Industries Synthetics as Biologicals have an enormous edge when it comes to Instinct and Intuition which are vital in combat and threat-assessment.

Blackwinter-witch Interesting. So we are talking about lineages, not individually altered individuals?

joylitt

The 1st Generation turned out to be smarter, more intelligent and far more cunning than anyone thought, and launched a massive media war vs Humanity for Liberation, and fought legally in the courts.

End result, that 1st Generation of Chimerans left earth to find their own home and started having children. It's the Early Times of Chimeran Lineages, yes. :)

Blackwinter-witch Thanks- I did a brief skim and is interesting and the format is perfect. My other jobs are ramping up so I don't have much time to do anything else. Thanks again!

dk

Then Thank-You all the more for taking time to check out my works!!
Also for the compliments!!

You're quite welcome and I sincerely hope you find it properly 'ALIEN'. :)

Nice work! I cant wait to read it BWW!! Im sure it will be as outstanding as all your work!

IRaptus

TY for saying!! For a 'short story' it got much larger than I thought it would!! :)

It's something of an experiment as I've seen many 'tie-in' novels and such for assorted works and franchises over the years, and wanted to try it, and use it to maintain a 'sense of seperation' from the main story to drive character development.

@BWW

Lovely page turner, should really call this a Prologue as you've tied it directly into your main novel.

Most of the story reads easily with a couple of hiccups in pacing here and there but a further proofing should iron those out.

Page5 end second para, what is 'svoluchs'? Is this a misprint, colloquialism or what..

There are some words that I found within you're first few paragraphs that could do with a bit of revision (mainly as they seem like you've just got hold of a thesaurus and want to try out all the big words there... when writing fiction use the KISS principle(Keep It Simple Stupid).You undoubtedly know what 'olfactory effluvia' is but a casual reader won't necessarily know.) Only your first few paras suffer from this, so it comes across to me that your trying too hard here to impress me the reader.

The rest of your prologue doesn't suffer from this, so the first few paras make it hard for the casual reader to get into the story. I use the casual reader as my viewpoint with fiction as it allows me to read a work without much bias or prejudgement so letting the work's themes and characters 'speak' for themselves.

So my mini-critique of your work is hopefully constructive. If I was a professional editor there'd be quite a bit of red ink but as I'm not I'll happily let it slide.(It's your baby after all!)

I would've sent this as a PM but don't know how on this site, as I feel that this would've been better as a FYEO. 

Jim Pills

The Main story has a prologue already, and this story ends exactly at a mid-way point in the main story which picks it up from where it leaves off. :)
So, I couldn't call it a 'prologue' as it just doesn't qualify as such hence why I call it a 'tie-in' or 'companion' story, I guess describes it best..

Svoluch is a Russian word, derogatory term for 'bastard' particularly 'honorless bastard' or 'worthless bastard'. Say it to a Russian and that's when the knives come out, very seriously.

The Thesaurus-effect...after writing, editing, re-writing...about 2 dozen times (I am NOT kidding on that number) I threw the simple lingo out the door and just focussed on getting the paragraphs done without so many usages of the word 'and' that I'd feel like hanging myself with typewriter ribbon. :D

As for the editing, my main focus was ensuring that assorted story details, time elements, and continuity to the Main story was upheld. Folks forgive bad editing quicker than continuity errors and such. ;)

@BWW

O.K. tie-in it is then...

Lol it's a Russian word? Wow they wouldn't do well in Australia then where calling a good friend an ugly bastard is seen as a compliment.(Amongst friends that is)

Hanging yourself by a typewriter ribbon? What a novel idea... boomtish!

Look forgive the mini-critique I gave, I know the effort that authors invest in their work, hard mental yards and trying to get most things just so. The effort you've made is welcomed and appreciated, I love a good read and the yarn you've spun looks great.

Haven't read it, yet. But I will.

By your description it reminds me of the Augments from Star Trek.

KHAAAAAN!!!! XD

Reading done! :)

I'm inclined to say it's on par with Christopher Golden or Tim Lebbon.

You however don't seem to share their occasional tediousness, wich I like. :)

Lebbon and Golden can spent "eons" on descriptions without moving the story forward. As if the reader hadn't any imagination himself.

Jim Pills

It's all good, your critique was properly done, it was balanced and fair, you mentioned Good and Bad.
I can accept that, NP. :)

Thank-you for you compliments!!
I am glad that you like the story, as in the end, past all the editing and such, the question of most importance is:

"Did the reader/audience enjoy the story?"

True?

So long as that is the case, then mission-accomplished. :D

Tiwaz

LOL
The Kirk 'Khan' Bellow...that will echo on throughout all of time!! :D

Augments are augments, they're Human-Improved, kinda low-end.

Chimerans aren't Human at all, they're an entirely new species that were created unintentionally. :)
Humanity wanted a Biological-Based Expendable Asset...ended up being sued for Liberation by their new 'weapon'.
That might sound like a joke, but they used the press and global social media to truly devastating effect. It was technically a 'bloodless' war, if one discounts the riots and such amongst humanity who were divided by their own views about the issue.

Yeah, there's some similarities, unavoidable, but the differences are considerably more in number and of greater significance. ;)

There's significantly marked differences in physiognomy between male Chimerans and females, much more so than in Humans, as example. Females were optimized for Spec War and covert ops and such. Males were optimized for Battlefield conditions.

Tiwaz

Thank-You very much!!! That is quite a compliment!! :D Glad you enjoyed it!!

It took me a while to find the happy-medium of too-little vs too-much description. It's a tricky balance, and I rely on editing to truly balance it out.

I try to give the reader's 'mental theatre' a good, solid amount of stock to work from, but not to the point of drowning them in details. I've read works like that, and also from ones where barely any descriptions are given, and learned from both.

Im well aware. They're not augments they're the Thundercats!

Just kidding as I was before. ;) 

Jokes aside I liked The Lander. Thinking bout it, first I thought that the chimeran-concept is a bit off. But considering Tyrell Corp. and Jack Bates (Aliens: Bug Hunt) it's not off at all.

Tiwaz

LOL :D
NP. Humor is one of the reasons I love this place!!
There IS feline DNA in them, amongst that of about a dozen other species. :D

Thank-You!! I initially had doubts about bringing them in, as they properly belong in one of my Original Realms, but then with the easter-egg linkages with Tyrell, and Weyland's androids, and real-world genetic science and the creation of wholly synthesized DNA...I figured 'why not?'.

I looked at what machines can do, and why a Biological-Based weapon is superior, then looked at how would such be marketted, and it all clicked, especially as it ties in to the overall 'Creation' theme.

I also wanted a Non-Human viewpoint, but didn't want an android in the mix.

Unfortunately I am only two pages in. Real world stuff is full swing now. I really like the set up of the situation and environment and reveal of Katherine- giving clues for the reader to imagine and figure out without coming right out with it. I am way behind but will catch up lol!

dk

The nice thing about books and literature is one can always read them when one has time, they'll always wait for you. :)

Glad you enjoyed what you've 'sampled' thus far!! :D

Nice read. I enjoyed specially the first part: gritty, uncompromising, a survival story with an unforgiving depiction of human nature that I could see turned into a John Carpenter movie. I liked how the characters acknowledge their surroundings, something missing from the actual prequels. It is just an opinion, but I would keep more of the style of the first half throughout.

joylitt

 Thank-you!! That's a really serious compliment!! I love John Carpenter movies (The Thing, The Fog) !! So I really appreciate what you said!! :D

I tried to keep the tone from the first half, but I'm still a pretty 'amateur-level' writer and I unwillingly/unwittingly lost track of that style when things started progressing beyond a certain point.

I think a 'talent' or 'skill' is like a muscle, it needs time and exercise to build up bigger and stronger, and for right now, I'm a long ways from what I will be able to do in the future.

I'm just glad you enjoyed it!

I wrote it for my fellow ALIEN fans who want the Feel and Tone of ALIEN back again, and gave it my best effort with the limited window of time I had to work on it (Life has it's demands).
I hope to come back to it and do a Final Edit version, to fix what was affected by an unfortunately but unavoidably rushed effort.

Hi Blackwinter-witch

I'm not sure if you've already covered this, but Im curious as to how A:C has affected your Manticore stories, especially Manticore: Paradise? Did the film force many changes or tie in nicely with the direction you were heading?

IRaptus

GOOD question, and TY for asking!! :D

Frankly, I'm still pondering that myself. I'm working my way through examination of the link-up details, and there's some really rough edges there as ALIEN: Covenant doesn't really fit with what ALIEN established.

However, ALIEN: Manticore; Paradise will go ahead. The rough parts where congruity and continuity don't match-up can be resolved and smoothed out.

There's a LOT of questions on that world that need to be addressed, and if the studio won't do it, then I will. :) It does and doesn't match-up to the direction I was originally heading in, however it opens some doors for future stories delving even deeper into the dark mystery of the Engineer's presence in the universe.

I am adjusting some small elements and such in ALIEN: Manticore to allow a better 'alignment' with the follow-up story, so the completion and editing time has been unfortunately extended, as well we are in the middle of buying some local businesses, and that's a considerable demand on my time.

BUT I do get a good few hours work in on the story every day. So it will be completed and published.
The extension means there will be much more to the story I have to say, so the wait is due to the addition of substance. :)

Yeah that was my one gripe with the film (from a writing perspective) A:C didn't give us many answers to work with. Especially the outcome of David's actions and how it affects the progression of AI's and synthetics moving into ALIEN.

I'm intrigued to find out what David plans to do next with his new cargo....

I absolutely love the new Neomorphs! They are missing the link to the Xeno's only real weakness! I'm definitely going to explore them!!

I don't know if you read my Life History traits topic between the two species, but it pure genius what Ridley and his writers have done there.

IRaptus

Yeah, there's a whole bunch of blanks to fill in from that movie! BUT, gives me tons to work with as well as every other writer who wants to try tackling it. :)

I'm Intrigued about David's story-arc and plans, but kind of dreading it as well...

I don't do a lot of work with AI, as the whole sci-fi genre is already handling it, case in point ALIEN: Covenant. I've always liked that Ash was a surprise, but I've never liked how Synthetics have been steadily becoming more and more the focal point.

Neomorphs!! Kitten-sized-Krazy-Killers!! Love them for that!! As for weakness...heh...imagine what would happen if say a large expedition tromped blithely through the sporepods Ledward tromped on? Say a group of a dozen people? All infected? That kind of sudden population explosion is a quite stunning advantage in itself, right?

I haven't yet but will have a look!! :)

Yes!!! To me that is the perfect niche for the Neomorph. Easrly infestation, weaken the intruders so that the Xenomorph can establish and dominate.

The Xeno Chestburster is the most vulnerable stage of its life cycle, and they are much slower to populate (or at least should be if gestation time-length weren't convenient to the plot!!!!)

I think the way forward is to differentiate the two species even more and play on their strengths/weaknesses. Perhaps the Xeno has the Eggmorph in its life-cycle and the Neomorph has a queen or something similar/equivalent to lay spores down.

IRaptus

Those are all extremely solid, and good points!! Neomorphs in a swarm situation would be just absolutely devastating.
A thought about Neomorph reproduction: They eat, grow and 'bud' off spore pods. Each and every one of them. You want mass-saturation and absolute domination of an area, a queen won't do it.
Say each one can 'bud' a mature spore pod once every day, times say 4 days, times say, 3 Neomorphs. Now each pod can potentially infect say, reasonably, 6 people/animals.
Now there's a terrifying, powerful and 'Alien' lifecycle system. ;)

For me however, I've got a LOT of work invested in The Alien and it's Origins (NOT David and NOT the Engineers) and it's lifecycle as well as establishing Set but reasonably-flexible time-lengths regarding the stages of it's life cycle that hollywood loves messing with.
Chestburster stage, my take on it, it's not as vulnerable as people think.
Consider the sheer strength needed to force it's way out through a human body? Now it's also Fast, and I'm pretty sure those jaws it has can partially unhinge like a snake's, yet still be able to support and conduct a LOT of muscle force for a truly horrible bite radius that'd likely go through a spacesuit gauntlet with NP.
It's also possible that Chestburster can spit acid, or something different but equally nasty.

I set up the Facts first. Then the story I write, like Life, has to work around them ;)
helps me avoid plotholes and such. :D

Blackwinter-witch wow that's a fantastic idea about the Neomorph's "budding" spores instead of a Queen, LOVE IT! Perhaps they can bud some spores when they die too. Imagine in A:C after a certain neomorph scene Daniels & Tennessee found the dead Neomorph covered in spores. That would be almost as creepy as an eggmorph, but more efficient. Again working to the strengths of the Neomorph life-cycle! 

Great points about the chestburster. I must admit i write them off as weak, but you are definitely correct they are not completely helpless, quite the opposite! Thank you for pointing that out. I do hope they keep it as the most vulnerable part of the xeno life-cycle however and offset it against the more formidable Neomorph juveniles. It works well.

Yeah I do hope "Awakening" or whatever it ends up being called doesn't go to David/Synthetic heavy. A:C was David's film. Now the focus needs to go back on the First Bio-mechanical Xeno and setting up That Space Jockey scene leading into A L I E N.  

IRaptus

Glad you liked my thoughts about the 'budding' concept and I have to say that your idea of posthumous budding is truly insightful and splendid idea!! It fits so perfectly to the rest of the Neomorph lifecycle aspects and is ruthlessly efficient!!

In the lander, I had a chestburster demonstrate what I figured would be a reasonable capability in very rapidly chewing through a vent grille to escape.
I agree in the overall that a chestburster is indeed the most vulnerable stage, and definitely prefers to escape/evade/hide rather than fight...but if cornered, it'd be an extremely nasty creature to deal with I suspect.
That said, while it's the most vulnerable stage, that doesn't equate to 'helpless', of course.
I treat the chestburster as an 'ambulatory stomach', it has one job, to eat as much as it can to fuel the upcoming maturation. In ALIEN: Manticore the crew finds damage to some areas of a ship's kitchen-waste repository in the recycling systems, suggesting that something small got in there for some reason. ;)
This neatly solved where Chestbursters get the mass and energy supplies needed to become an 8 foot tall Nightmare. :D

TOTALLY agree with you regarding 'Awakening' or whatever it ends up being called!! Folks WANT to know the Tale Of The Space Jockey, and David's had his time in the limelight, now we need to have the story-linkage of Space Jockey and Biomechanoid Alien, definitely!!

Sorry I have been meaning to tell you I finished reading The Lander. Damn! That is some fine work!! 

What truly stands out are your characters. They are very well thought out, fleshed out and contrast beautifully against each other. None of them seem like fodder; like the type you know is going to die because the author hasn't invested time in them. They all have personalities, agenda's, traits, flaws and strengths. 

I especially liked Meer's character. So broken, and he's the captain! gives so much danger and unpredictability to the story.

If there is one sentence that sums up the Alienverse in your story it is:

"She tried to stop them from launching without the rest of the crew and had ended up with the business end of Meer's gun pressed to her left eye."

Excellent!

IRaptus

Very glad you enjoyed it!! :D

Thank-you also for the compliments!!

I wrote it as an 'experiment' of sorts, and also I wanted to develop two of the characters outside the main story, and just felt that the best way to keep the 'seperate' feel was to try a tie-in short-story. :)

Glad to know it worked!

Meers, I enjoyed developing him as there's only one thing worse than being stranded...it's being stranded with someone like him in charge. ;)

ALIEN: Manticore is proceeding quite well, i'm integrating things now and building up what was formerly a very weak, threadbare section of the story with Discoveries...and some Unpleasant encounters. :D

@Blackwinter-witch I've stickied this so more people can see it. It was Roger55 's suggestion. :D

Lilly (Svanya)

Roger55

THANK-YOU!!! :D