ALIEN: Manticore

You must be speaking for yourself.  Because 99% of the time you post negative one liners that don't contribute to anything.  Kind of like Mr. Inquisitor Fifi

lol

Don't pretend you're capable of recognising a positive contribution.

Have you received any word back from FOX yet Blackwinter-witch?! I'm curious to hear what they say about your contribution.

S.M
First, you stepped right into this as you plainly didn't read the start of my Topic where I DID state that what I was posting was Unfinished, largely-unedited, un-polished work.
Second, there's a time and a place to offer Critiques and this Topic is not really intended for Critiquing as my opening statement made it clear the unedited nature of the work being posted and I am well aware of the flaws.
Third, Critiques are only properly done when the critic also acknowledges positive points in a work, NOT just the negative elements. This is something you failed at.
Fourth, If you don't have anything nice to say about my works in balance to your nit-picking and being a buzz-killer, then this Topic is not for you.

IRaptus

Nothing yet, but I didn't expect a quick reply. If I don't hear back in another couple weeks, I'll ask them again. I can be very persistent. :D

S.M

I think Bdub just handed you your ass.  Kindly take it and return to your corner.  Oh let me hand you your dunce hat while on your way to the corner.  

We Still LOVE YOU S.M !!!!!

Now that S.M has had a refresher in the intent of this Topic, I'll be heading off to do some more editing and picking another Excerpt to post., which will be along quickly as I have it picked out. :)

And we all eagerly look forward to reading it BWW!!

EXCERPT- ALIEN: Manticore

Only a few navigation lights showed on the hull, there was some light in the bridge from instrumentation and dimmed lighting. The drone moved along the underside, scanning the hull as it went, and stopped at a large hole, easily two metres in diameter and trailing down ‘stalactites’ of alloy very similar to what they’d found on the wreck they’d recently salvaged in the depths of interstellar space.
Sin had the drone zoom-in with it‘s cameras, as well as move in closer, trying to see up into the large hole in the hull. The hole led to an internal space that was lightless, but with the drone’s lights he could see the sides of the hole, and they were just as smooth and looked extremely similar to what they’d seen on the salvaged vessel. Up further in, the lights revealed what was an engineering accessway crawlspace and above that a larger section the schematics he’d called up listed as a secondary hold. The hole was a solid connection to the wreck they’d salvaged in open space, the characteristics matched perfectly with what Smythe and Sharie deduced to be some amazingly powerful and unknown hyper-corrosive, as they‘d seen evidence of on the previous ship. The term Sharie had coined was ‘Omnicorrosive’, and from what they’d seen, that was a perfect descriptor.
The drone started to proceed again from where he’d detoured it, completing it’s scan of the ship’s underside, circled around the ship, and finishing with a slow scan of the topside. The only visible damage was the large hole in the belly, and from calling up schematics of the wildcatter he’d learned it wasn’t in anyplace critical, but as it had gone clear through the hull, there was easily enough damage to make hyperdrive out of the question.
He ordered the computer to hail the quiescent vessel once every minute and ordered the drone to the site of the much larger horseshoe-shaped object. He took note of the disturbing terrain, the twisted rock formations, and idly wondered what kind of volcanic or other natural processes could produce such a nightmarish natural stone garden on a planetoid with nearly-zero tectonics.
The horseshoe-shaped maybe-ship captivated his attention at first glance as the drone came within range to send back relatively clear images of it. UV Composite-Lidar scans caught surface details that optical imaging alone couldn’t resolve as yet, sub-millimetric high-resolution radar scans bolstered the dim optical imaging and gave the image processing systems and software more to work from.
He had the drone circle it, then cross above it, as well as take a scanning-pass close-in along in inner areas of it’s horseshoe shape. There were no emissions from it of any kind, also the way the material it was made of reflected the radar and UV frequency Lidar scans was distinctly odd.
Within minutes, the ship’s computer had a finely-detailed model of it from the drone’s scans, and put it up on the largest monitor the bridge had, slowly rotating it through X,Y, and Z axis motion to show it all.
Then, the monitor flashed ‘Updating’ in bold red letters, as the drone began scanning with it’s powerful ground-penetrating radar, slowly painting in an extremely large section of the vessel below the central main body. The concealed section extended down below visible ground level from the midsection of the horseshoe-shaped hull for quite a ways. It made the ship even more bizarrely-proportioned than it had appeared at first glance, but made some kind of sense if one looked at as if it were a bulk-freighter. The scans and computer analysis of the terrain the vessel rested on showed that it had set down in a hard but not catastrophic landing, and the ‘cargo hold’ was in a small chasm-like depression in the landscape that had been forcibly expanded on impact.
From the only clear angle of approach on foot, you’d see nothing of the ventral cargo hull, and even from the other side, all you’d see was accumulated scree and the remains of rock-falls from long ago.
Three large, oval-shaped openings allowed entry, and were located close together at the inside-bottom of the horseshoe-shaped hull. The drone had closely examined these, and they showed no signs of being the result of damage. The drone was able to direct it’s spotlights inside to a considerable ways before they showed walls curving gently upward in the case of the middle portal, leftward for the rightmost one, or rightward for the leftmost. The interior walls were even more disturbing than the exterior, seeming like the internal ribcage-supported body cavities of some colossal organism rather than a purely mechanical construct.
Objectively, it was just another ship, a known quantity in that respect, despite it’s clearly non-Human manufacture.
Subjectively, it was extremely disturbing on many levels that spoke of nightmares and art drawn from the Unconscious mind.
It was so alien, that it was damned hard for him to see it in a purely Objective manner, and more than that, it was somehow connected to the ill fate that had overtaken two ships and their crews thus far, as well as the unknown ‘Omnicorrosive’ agent that could wreck a ship far too easily for him to ignore.
Also there was no Claim beacon on the alien derelict, or at least, not one that was functional. That point alone he found very odd and disturbing, as setting a beacon on a find was priority one, especially on a unique prize like this…the absence of a beacon suggested that whatever had befallen the crew of the ship below had happened with alarming speed, and resulted in their distress beacon being activated instead.
The questions kept mounting up, with none having any answers he could see. The questions surrounded at least one crew dead, possibly another, two crippled starships, and one very large, definitively alien derelict that seemed to be the center of all that had happened. The questions could also deliver the same dire consequences to his ship and crew as they had to the others, which was a point foremost in his mind.

Oh right, you're only fishing for praise.

Got it.

S.M

Really?  ok...I'm drawing the line here on the never ending right handed insults/left handed compliments and the lack of respect.  This is the only warning I'm giving.

Contribute positively or find another forum.

S.M

Dear mr. buzzkill, I direct you to re-read my post previously about how to Properly perform a Critique in a Balanced and Appropriate manner.
Read that, then get back to me.
Keep your insults to yourself, no one wants to hear them, and they betray a lacking of manners on your part. This isn't the place for a fight, so stop trying to pick one.

I agree with @dk , I will legitimately print this out to have my own copy when this is completed. You're a really talented writer! I love the use of the name Manticore, it fits in perfectly with the rest of the vessels' names. 

This has actually inspired me to maybe write my own Alien fiction, I love writing myself. 

Rick

TY for your post above.

I started this topic with the intent of sharing my works with folks and all of us just enjoying each other's company and good spirits.
I also mainly wanted/hoped that starting this Topic would help inspire confidence in other developing writers to share their works as well, to invite them in out of the shadows and torments of self-consciousness.
S.M <<--- his posts work pretty much OPPOSITE to helping inspire confidence in developing writers.

Great attention to detail, especially in your descriptions, you must have a lot of patience to write so concisely! I like how you've gone into great detail with the drone scanning, a similar path I've taken but in a different direction. 

The crew in my story are Terraforming a world called Pacifica and find an IR silicate and ground-penetrating radar anomaly nestled within the earth near a volcano range. so im working from a more resource development platform with a range of spectroscopy and traditional geochem scans similar to what you have done haha.

I actually work in this field as an ICP chemist so it plays to my strengths a bit, but I only use it early on to set up the story and that's it. It is of course an ancient hive as it turns..... 

HappyXeno

Thank-you for the compliments and glad you like the name of the ship!
I am very happy to hear that my efforts here have inspired you! That was the primary intent of this Topic, to inspire and motivate my fellow writers and those who want to be.
I have another thread that has some useful tricks and advice for developing writers that might be of help to you, please see below.

Advice & Tricks for my fellow Writers

I apologize for getting the thread derailed with our argument.

Please Continue.

IRaptus

Thank-you for the compliments!! Is there a link to your works? If not, it definitely sounds worth waiting for! I envy you having the specialized first-hand knowledge for the technical aspects, that really will add a sense of solidity and realism!!
I have to look up/research things, or pester hubby with tech queries. :D
It's Patience mixed with Editing, actually. Some parts of the story are pretty nicely polished up, some parts are still raw and splintery. It's a work-in-progress. :)

Rick

NO apologies needed!! You helped get this Topic BACK on track in congruency with my original intent for it. Thank-you for that! :)

'Mannie' the ship's cat and mascot:

Some of you might be wondering what a Canadian Lynx kitten looks like, and how big such cats get. The bottom-most pic I looked up, and the Lynx was tranquilized for relocation to a new habitat range, but that's a 60 Lb female Canadian Lynx the wildlife officer is holding.

Hey if you guys need a place to put your work there is always google docs.

Rick

Man, today is NOT my day for seeing clearly. :)
Thank-you for the suggestion, Rick!
Y'know, I've been working in Google Docs all week relating to business interests hubby and I are pursuing and it never once occured to me that I can use it to host my writings!!
Seriously, I was absolutely oblivious to it, and it will make things very easy for folks to access writings!!

LMAO all it takes sometimes is a fresh set of eyes.

The old saying 'Cannot see the forest for the trees' is rattling around my brain, as it's sometimes SO true. :D

Oh an OMG look at the Paws on that Pussy !  I have a Bobcat at home.  He's still a kitten but he is funnier than hell.

Ill post a thread later with some early excerpts !

Rick

I could have gone with a normal housecat, but Rick, I can now add you to the list of folks I know who have Bobcats/Lynx in their homes. :)
Hence why I decided to have a Lynx aboard. :D
And please give your baby Bobcat lots of loves from a crazy cat lady. :) <3

IRaptus

Sounds great!! Looking fwd to it!!

I had this bookmarked so I could come back to it when I had solid time to read it.  I have finally read the sneak :)

This is good, really good.  I am officially sucked in.

I really dig your style.  Keeping this bookmarked for later, thank you so much for sharing!

Nycro

You're quite welcome and Thank-you for saying!! :D I really appreciate that you bookmarked it to make sure you could find it again, that really says a lot to someone on my end of things!!

BWW- With due respect from a non writer, I thought SM was initially expressing constructive criticism but not criticizing the material itself. Just my two cents.

At any rate, I still look forward to the completion of Manticore. I read the initial part but admittedly avoid updates- it is sort of like seeing spoilers before the final work comes out.

 dk

He might have been, but if someone is going to take it on themselves to critique my work, with them knowing that it IS a First-Draft with only partial first-pass editing, then I will ask and expect from that person to conduct their critique in a Fair and Balanced manner, meaning they must state good points along with negative.
BUT, he is known to be something of a troll on this forum, he has a reputation of being such, so that colors things, of course.

I understand the logic of avoiding 'spoilers' but I do select them with people like yourself in mind, so that you can read them, and not have the story spoiled for you. ;) I am VERY careful about the excerpts I post for that reason, which is why there are so relatively few.
Also, editing IS ongoing, so that affords another level of keeping the story unspoiled for you and others.

But TY for the thought of not wanting to have the story spoiled, that sentiment means a great deal to me!!