ALIEN: Manticore

In case some of you were wondering about where I get some of my info for my works, and how 'practical' some potential future-fictional tech is, have a look at this video.
Now, apply a few decades of advancement and improvement, as well as adding a more powerful lasing core that can be adjusted for variable outputs and a variable-focus emitter-head. :D
Welcome to where I get some of my goodies for the ALIENverse.

5kW laser beam for hand-held cutting

Tech like that handheld laser, drones and 3D printers...I would most definitely be interested to see them portrayed futuristically.

SpiteHouse

In my works you will. ;)

What really amazes me, and one reason why I write, is how so much of sci-fi IGNORES really cool tech in the real world that will be around in the future. EG, in Prometheus, not a single smartphone, just that holocube of Holloway's...so, I do my best to include real-world tech with suitable advancement.
Imagine where tech like you mention will be in say, 80 years?? :D
As for smartphones, the new Modular snap-on additions and such has given me some great ideas :)

I can't believe I missed this thread for so long.

As an avid book reader, yes real books not ereaders or audio bollocks, I find pleasure in words written with grace and eloquence. It is made even better when based on subject matter of which I am fanatical.

I look forward to reading more snippets and, once complete, the entire work.

Keep it up! What I've seen so far looks great.

RX

Ranting Xeno

Thank-you very much!! I'm very gald you found your way here and are enjoying this Topic!

I agree Real books are better, and have the advantage of still being vastly more reliable under all conditions than an e-device, as no batteries are needed, and they can be dropped in the tub, and are still 'functional'. ;)

I put considerable time and effort into my works (mainly in the form of editing) and it's really nice to have that effort appreciated as you and others have stated that you do by way of enjoying the snippets and excerpts I've posted!! :D

More excerpts are coming, it's a bit tricky to decide what I can use that won't give too much away and spoil the mystery. :)

I wish I had the ability to pull words out of my head and have them make sense.

I can spout words but never in a coherent form, and always have pacing and general narrative issues. I'm more autistic than artistic lol

I'm bored though, so might have a stab at the Jonesey thing from the other thread. Kind of wary to though, nothing I can produce will compare to your work.

At least people will get a laugh out of it, more than likely laughing directly at it lol

Ranting Xeno

Well, then this should bring you some comfort. :)

My First drafts, I don't even refer to as 'first drafts', I call the rough-raw, as they're like freshly-mined ore or marble or freshly cut and de-barked logs. Seriously, barely readable, it's really just an idea-stream. Seriously.

THEN, I Edit, and edit, adjust, tune, alter, change, add, subtract, sculpt, chisel, and such. :D
Editing is actually quite easy, as the hard part's done, the initial creative burst, also as newer ideas pop up, with editing you can find places for them, add, re-phrase, re-structure and make things how you want them to be as exactly as you're capable of.
NO one ever achieves a Perfect work on a First Draft, so don't worry. And when I mean NO One, I mean NO One, and that includes the finest authors in history as well.
The Jonesy tale, GO for it!!! :) Take a try, do the first draft, try your hand at some editing, then see what folks think. As it involves Jonesy, I would presume favorable reactions. :)

The best authors are not the ones that are the most creative, they're often the ones willing to do the most editing and refinement.

The Naming of Names...

The manticore (Early Middle Persian Mardyakhor) is a Persian legendary creature similar to the Egyptian sphinx. It has the body of a lion, a human head with three rows of sharp teeth (like a shark), and sometimes bat-like wings. Other aspects of the creature vary from story to story. It may be horned, winged, or both. The tail is that of either a dragon or a scorpion, and it may shoot venomous spines to either paralyze or kill its victims.
It devours its prey whole and leaves no clothes, bones, or possessions of the prey behind.

A perfect description and metaphor for an armed vessel capable of salvaging those that make the mistake of attacking it. When I needed a name for the vessel in the story, I wanted to step away from the traditional ship-naming methodology of the ALIEN universe. I love how they did it, but I am my own self, and given the staggering number of vessels that must exist in the ALIENverse, not everyone is going to go with the Conrad-based naming conventions.
'Manticore' both sounds good, and if you look into what it means, the basis of the name has some solid depth in Myth and History. It's a name that connotes ferocity and the mythical creature's abilities do parallel somewhat to the armament and combat-related systems as well as salvaging capability of the vessel as well.

YES, Manticore is armed, and quite heavily. The reason is that Ridley Scott once mentioned that piracy and related problems is a common problem in this universe (hence why Nostromo had weapons available to the crew). A company-owned vessel, the crew doesn't really have much of a stake in the ship and cargo, but Manticore is privately-owned, is the home of the crew, and they will fight tooth and nail to keep it.

This also opens up that aspect of the ALIENverse, piracy and such. Human civilization will ALWAYS have the criminal element, and in the ALIENverse, Out There in the dark and silent void, people are on their own.
However, situations involving ship-to-ship combat will NOT be handled like Space Opera does so.

What ALIEN: Manticore IS and ISN'T:

This work of mine works mainly to expand and answer some of the franchise's unaddressed 'loose-threads'.

Ever wonder about the folks who encounter the aftermath of Incidents?
EG:
What eventually becomes of the Engineer structures on LV-223?
How did that massive egg chamber below the Derelict on LV-426 work?
What is the Space Jockey, really?
What's in the unexplored buildings on LV-223??
Etc..
True, these 'answers' are NOT Canonical, just Fan-Fiction, but I did my research and at the very least they'll be entertaining 'place-holders' in the fanbase's minds until Canon answers come down the line.

*It is not a re-do/do-over of ALIEN.
*It is my gift to the fanbase.
*It might someday, possibly-maybe serve as a 'resume-work' I can use to prove I know how the ALIENverse works and feels.
*It's just an exercise for me to visit my favorite universe while awaiting ALIEN: Covenant, one I can share with fellow ALIEN fans.
*It's my Raised Middle Finger to James Cameron. ;)
*It's my way of paying appreciative tribute and Respect to R. Scott, H. R. Giger and Dan O'Bannon.
*it's practice, as writing always requires practice, practice and more practice.

Places Of Interest In ALIEN: Manticore & Related Works:

With Manticore and it's crew, I can show more of the wider universe, and make the attempts to do so.

SHADOWFALL:

Shadowfall is in a remote star system and usually avoided in the few shipping lanes of the region due to its ‘strange and complex celestial dynamics’ making it difficult to traverse safely.
Shadowfall itself orbits a massive gas giant that possesses a heavy and well-developed ring system. The system and world were found and settled by the surviving remnants of the Native Aboriginal North/Central/South American tribes and nations.
The world is 'better than earthlike', and for decades scientists have puzzled as to why it has a biosphere and lifeforms that are Terrestrial and include species extinct of Earth.
The truth is known by a few among the Council of Nations: It was the 'prototype' for Earth, cultivated by the beings Dr. Elizabeth Shaw referred to as 'Engineers'.
Shadowfall is absolutely unspoiled, and right from the start all planning for colonization was done with the aim of avoiding all the mistakes made in the past on Earth. This includes nearly-impossible Immigration processes, it is a world that keeps a very tight rein on the number of offworlders allowed to visit on tours and Immigration is a sobering formidable gauntlet even for the 'elite' of Human civilization.
When the Khymaerhan Liberation and Exodus occured, while every other world turned them away, Shadowfall and the Council of Nations welcomed them, where the Khymaerhans have proven quickly and frequently to be very significant beneficial additions to Shadowfall.

Next: THE HUB

EXCERPT from ALIEN: Manticore :

Sinjihnn Du’Maur was the type of man who could shrug off the worst of hypersleep-hangover in a few minutes, and like any experienced star traveller had found and developed his own tricks for getting through the worst of it quicker and easier. He found what he needed in the galley.
Chief among these was a ‘prescription’ of Doc Smythe’s: A two ounce shot of whisky with a large-format energy drink so strong it was banned on Earth, with an ingredients list that read like an inventory from an herbal health store.
The alcohol damped out the pain on system-wide level and the energy drink worked as a support to a system labouring to come back up to speed as one rejoined the living. The only downside was that even fine, twelve-year aged whisky tasted like furniture polish, although the carbonated energy drink still managed to be palatable to taste buds suffering from hypersleep-hangover.
Alone in the Galley, he snapped a shot of less-expensive blended whisky back, grimacing at how his taste buds interpreted it’s flavour, while he popped the opener of the energy drink’s can and swigged back a generous amount to kill the unpleasant subjective taste of the whisky.
“Anything that tastes that bad has to be considered ‘medicine’.” He muttered, braced himself straight-spined as the whisky began to spread it’s effects from his stomach in a pain-quelling warmth then left for the bridge.
The bridge was quiet, aside from the occasional machine-sounds from assorted instrumentation and the general background sounds normal for the ship. Sensing his presence, his console came alive, as did assorted tertiary consoles and monitors around the bridge.
Through the starboard bay-windows he could see three small, dim, round shapes against a distant star that held them in it’s gravity. The largest of the worlds ahead had rings, unspectacular but clearly distinct. He recognized the star system from years of experience flying the trade routes; Zeta II Reticuli.
Dropping into his console’s seat, he moved it forward to his preset position that he preferred and tapped in a short string of commands single-handed on a small, seldom-used keypad alongside the primary one in his console’s workspace.
The console monitor came alive, presented a checklist of various systems and the function-monitoring of them in green alphanumeric text. He used the touchscreen to select ‘Overmonitoring Matrix Command Channel-2677’, then typed in ‘What’s happened?’ single-handedly as he took another long drink from the can.

Two hours later, Sin mulled over the information he’d gotten from the computer’s analysis by bringing Manticore’s primary sensor array to bear on the small planetoid orbiting the ringed gas giant. At the range Manticore was from the planetoid where the radio emissions originated from, a fair amount could be determined, even through it’s visually opaque atmosphere.
Radar had confirmed two vessels, though the return-echo image-processing of the larger one had him puzzled. The smaller one though was a recognizable class of smaller vessel used for light freight and salvage as well as wildcat prospecting--but he didn’t know what to make of the larger one.
The decision to wake the crew nibbled at the back of his mind, as this could be valuable salvage combined with a rescue operation, or depending on how bad the emergency was, straight-up salvage and remains-recovery.
Remains-recovery was one of the grim realities of salvage work, but one he and his crew were accustomed to and undeterred by.
A more intense and thorough scan of the larger, horseshoe-shaped object showed zero energy output, or energy output so low as to be entirely undetectable at the range they were at. The wildcatter had energy output on-par with a crippled but semi-operational vessel.
His attention kept returning to the larger, horseshoe-shaped object. He’d presumed for his mental convenience that it was a vessel, but there was really no way to be entirely certain what it actually was at this range. What the ship’s sensors couldn’t tell him, his gut did, and it told him plainly this was a situation where it would pay off to be as wary as possible.
The proof of which was down on the planet, not a kilometre from it, stranded and with it’s distress beacon running.
There’d been no hails, or any kind of broadcasts from the wildcatter ship, which bothered him a good deal. He’d sent numerous hails, and received no response at all. If the crew were in hypersleep to conserve life support while awaiting rescue, it was standard operating procedure to include an automated message about crew situation and disposition as well as status with the beacon. There was nothing like that here, just the emergency beacon and it‘s basic message, programmed in from the factory.
That meant either they had been in a serious rush to climb into hypersleep, or the other two possibilities of their being dead, or just having not bothered.
No Identification-Registration transponder had come up, which made things all the more suspect. He continued to mull things over, reviewed the information he had, considered that against what he didn’t have, had the computer scan surrounding space thoroughly, which yielded nothing of interest.
“ ‘Captain’s Discretion’. Well, this Captain’s discretion calls for a better look-around first, then I’ll make the call.” He said to himself, and typed in commands that would launch a drone towards the planetoid below, where it could give him a direct-eye-view of what to expect if they went in. He decided to leave his crew undisturbed in hypersleep rather than put them through the discomfort of emerging from it and possibly having to simply turn around and re-enter hypersleep.

Splendidly done fan-edit!

I'll be using this as reference material for my works!! :)

It's just a trailer though...?

It has different music mixed in and some short bits of deleted but fully processed footage...it's just something that hits my Muse the right way, I can't explain it any better than that. :)

Well written I'd say.  Not that I can offer any helpful or constructive, critique but I'd continue reading it and enjoyed the excerpts :) 

Keep it up and good luck!

Deep Space

I'm very glad you both enjoyed the excerpts and commented to that effect!! :D
I'm presently editing ALIEN: Manticore, and there'll be at least one more excerpt posted in the near-future. :)

Once editing is complete, I'll be trying to figure out how best to 'package' it for the convenience of readers. It might just be fan-fiction, but I want it to look, read and feel as professional and best as is possible. :)
YES, it'll be free, but I am looking into the Legalities of accepting Donations.

I think you need to dial down the verbiage.  There's a lot of sentences that are more wordy than they need to be.  Eg. "He’d presumed for his mental convenience that it was a vessel, but there was really no way to be entirely certain what it actually was at this range."  "for his mental convenience" is superfluous to that sentence.

Similarly there's repeated words eg. "The alcohol damped out the pain on system-wide level and the energy drink worked as a support to a system labouring to come back up to speed as one rejoined the living."  This could be re-written simply as "The alcohol damped out the pain and the energy drink worked as a support to a system labouring to come back up to speed."

The whole thing needs to be tighter and more concise.

S.M

As I stated at the start of this topic...this is raw, partially-edited material, with LOTS of flaws, and if you think the ones you mentioned were bad?
LOL
Then I am SO glad I am the only one who sees the really bad spots!! The excerpts here are largely unedited 1st Draft material, rough enough to almost leave splinters in your eyeballs.
The problems in the paragraph you pointed out I fixed Saturday night...along with some others I am glad no one saw as they'd call into question my ability to write English. :D
I make editing passes, over and over, as with each pass I know I miss some things, or upon fresh-re-reading, alterations elsewhere have forced a change somewhere else.
In short, we're on the same page.

S.M = Grammar Nazi (Amatuer Alien Storyline Nazi) and (for Ref: kinda like Seinfeld's Soup Nazi)

For when you don't have anything intelligent to say there's always that Predictable Scified Snark (TM).

You must be speaking for yourself.  Because 99% of the time you post negative one liners that don't contribute to anything.  Kind of like Mr. Inquisitor Fifi

lol

Don't pretend you're capable of recognising a positive contribution.

Have you received any word back from FOX yet Blackwinter-witch?! I'm curious to hear what they say about your contribution.

S.M
First, you stepped right into this as you plainly didn't read the start of my Topic where I DID state that what I was posting was Unfinished, largely-unedited, un-polished work.
Second, there's a time and a place to offer Critiques and this Topic is not really intended for Critiquing as my opening statement made it clear the unedited nature of the work being posted and I am well aware of the flaws.
Third, Critiques are only properly done when the critic also acknowledges positive points in a work, NOT just the negative elements. This is something you failed at.
Fourth, If you don't have anything nice to say about my works in balance to your nit-picking and being a buzz-killer, then this Topic is not for you.

IRaptus

Nothing yet, but I didn't expect a quick reply. If I don't hear back in another couple weeks, I'll ask them again. I can be very persistent. :D

S.M

I think Bdub just handed you your ass.  Kindly take it and return to your corner.  Oh let me hand you your dunce hat while on your way to the corner.  

We Still LOVE YOU S.M !!!!!

Now that S.M has had a refresher in the intent of this Topic, I'll be heading off to do some more editing and picking another Excerpt to post., which will be along quickly as I have it picked out. :)

And we all eagerly look forward to reading it BWW!!

EXCERPT- ALIEN: Manticore

Only a few navigation lights showed on the hull, there was some light in the bridge from instrumentation and dimmed lighting. The drone moved along the underside, scanning the hull as it went, and stopped at a large hole, easily two metres in diameter and trailing down ‘stalactites’ of alloy very similar to what they’d found on the wreck they’d recently salvaged in the depths of interstellar space.
Sin had the drone zoom-in with it‘s cameras, as well as move in closer, trying to see up into the large hole in the hull. The hole led to an internal space that was lightless, but with the drone’s lights he could see the sides of the hole, and they were just as smooth and looked extremely similar to what they’d seen on the salvaged vessel. Up further in, the lights revealed what was an engineering accessway crawlspace and above that a larger section the schematics he’d called up listed as a secondary hold. The hole was a solid connection to the wreck they’d salvaged in open space, the characteristics matched perfectly with what Smythe and Sharie deduced to be some amazingly powerful and unknown hyper-corrosive, as they‘d seen evidence of on the previous ship. The term Sharie had coined was ‘Omnicorrosive’, and from what they’d seen, that was a perfect descriptor.
The drone started to proceed again from where he’d detoured it, completing it’s scan of the ship’s underside, circled around the ship, and finishing with a slow scan of the topside. The only visible damage was the large hole in the belly, and from calling up schematics of the wildcatter he’d learned it wasn’t in anyplace critical, but as it had gone clear through the hull, there was easily enough damage to make hyperdrive out of the question.
He ordered the computer to hail the quiescent vessel once every minute and ordered the drone to the site of the much larger horseshoe-shaped object. He took note of the disturbing terrain, the twisted rock formations, and idly wondered what kind of volcanic or other natural processes could produce such a nightmarish natural stone garden on a planetoid with nearly-zero tectonics.
The horseshoe-shaped maybe-ship captivated his attention at first glance as the drone came within range to send back relatively clear images of it. UV Composite-Lidar scans caught surface details that optical imaging alone couldn’t resolve as yet, sub-millimetric high-resolution radar scans bolstered the dim optical imaging and gave the image processing systems and software more to work from.
He had the drone circle it, then cross above it, as well as take a scanning-pass close-in along in inner areas of it’s horseshoe shape. There were no emissions from it of any kind, also the way the material it was made of reflected the radar and UV frequency Lidar scans was distinctly odd.
Within minutes, the ship’s computer had a finely-detailed model of it from the drone’s scans, and put it up on the largest monitor the bridge had, slowly rotating it through X,Y, and Z axis motion to show it all.
Then, the monitor flashed ‘Updating’ in bold red letters, as the drone began scanning with it’s powerful ground-penetrating radar, slowly painting in an extremely large section of the vessel below the central main body. The concealed section extended down below visible ground level from the midsection of the horseshoe-shaped hull for quite a ways. It made the ship even more bizarrely-proportioned than it had appeared at first glance, but made some kind of sense if one looked at as if it were a bulk-freighter. The scans and computer analysis of the terrain the vessel rested on showed that it had set down in a hard but not catastrophic landing, and the ‘cargo hold’ was in a small chasm-like depression in the landscape that had been forcibly expanded on impact.
From the only clear angle of approach on foot, you’d see nothing of the ventral cargo hull, and even from the other side, all you’d see was accumulated scree and the remains of rock-falls from long ago.
Three large, oval-shaped openings allowed entry, and were located close together at the inside-bottom of the horseshoe-shaped hull. The drone had closely examined these, and they showed no signs of being the result of damage. The drone was able to direct it’s spotlights inside to a considerable ways before they showed walls curving gently upward in the case of the middle portal, leftward for the rightmost one, or rightward for the leftmost. The interior walls were even more disturbing than the exterior, seeming like the internal ribcage-supported body cavities of some colossal organism rather than a purely mechanical construct.
Objectively, it was just another ship, a known quantity in that respect, despite it’s clearly non-Human manufacture.
Subjectively, it was extremely disturbing on many levels that spoke of nightmares and art drawn from the Unconscious mind.
It was so alien, that it was damned hard for him to see it in a purely Objective manner, and more than that, it was somehow connected to the ill fate that had overtaken two ships and their crews thus far, as well as the unknown ‘Omnicorrosive’ agent that could wreck a ship far too easily for him to ignore.
Also there was no Claim beacon on the alien derelict, or at least, not one that was functional. That point alone he found very odd and disturbing, as setting a beacon on a find was priority one, especially on a unique prize like this…the absence of a beacon suggested that whatever had befallen the crew of the ship below had happened with alarming speed, and resulted in their distress beacon being activated instead.
The questions kept mounting up, with none having any answers he could see. The questions surrounded at least one crew dead, possibly another, two crippled starships, and one very large, definitively alien derelict that seemed to be the center of all that had happened. The questions could also deliver the same dire consequences to his ship and crew as they had to the others, which was a point foremost in his mind.

Oh right, you're only fishing for praise.

Got it.

S.M

Really?  ok...I'm drawing the line here on the never ending right handed insults/left handed compliments and the lack of respect.  This is the only warning I'm giving.

Contribute positively or find another forum.

S.M

Dear mr. buzzkill, I direct you to re-read my post previously about how to Properly perform a Critique in a Balanced and Appropriate manner.
Read that, then get back to me.
Keep your insults to yourself, no one wants to hear them, and they betray a lacking of manners on your part. This isn't the place for a fight, so stop trying to pick one.

I agree with @dk , I will legitimately print this out to have my own copy when this is completed. You're a really talented writer! I love the use of the name Manticore, it fits in perfectly with the rest of the vessels' names. 

This has actually inspired me to maybe write my own Alien fiction, I love writing myself. 

Rick

TY for your post above.

I started this topic with the intent of sharing my works with folks and all of us just enjoying each other's company and good spirits.
I also mainly wanted/hoped that starting this Topic would help inspire confidence in other developing writers to share their works as well, to invite them in out of the shadows and torments of self-consciousness.
S.M <<--- his posts work pretty much OPPOSITE to helping inspire confidence in developing writers.

Great attention to detail, especially in your descriptions, you must have a lot of patience to write so concisely! I like how you've gone into great detail with the drone scanning, a similar path I've taken but in a different direction. 

The crew in my story are Terraforming a world called Pacifica and find an IR silicate and ground-penetrating radar anomaly nestled within the earth near a volcano range. so im working from a more resource development platform with a range of spectroscopy and traditional geochem scans similar to what you have done haha.

I actually work in this field as an ICP chemist so it plays to my strengths a bit, but I only use it early on to set up the story and that's it. It is of course an ancient hive as it turns..... 

HappyXeno

Thank-you for the compliments and glad you like the name of the ship!
I am very happy to hear that my efforts here have inspired you! That was the primary intent of this Topic, to inspire and motivate my fellow writers and those who want to be.
I have another thread that has some useful tricks and advice for developing writers that might be of help to you, please see below.

Advice & Tricks for my fellow Writers

I apologize for getting the thread derailed with our argument.

Please Continue.

IRaptus

Thank-you for the compliments!! Is there a link to your works? If not, it definitely sounds worth waiting for! I envy you having the specialized first-hand knowledge for the technical aspects, that really will add a sense of solidity and realism!!
I have to look up/research things, or pester hubby with tech queries. :D
It's Patience mixed with Editing, actually. Some parts of the story are pretty nicely polished up, some parts are still raw and splintery. It's a work-in-progress. :)

Rick

NO apologies needed!! You helped get this Topic BACK on track in congruency with my original intent for it. Thank-you for that! :)

'Mannie' the ship's cat and mascot:

Some of you might be wondering what a Canadian Lynx kitten looks like, and how big such cats get. The bottom-most pic I looked up, and the Lynx was tranquilized for relocation to a new habitat range, but that's a 60 Lb female Canadian Lynx the wildlife officer is holding.

Hey if you guys need a place to put your work there is always google docs.