Let's Roast Alien

Been a while since we had some levity. Thank you Bruthah.

Roasting a hallowed franchise.....Well, may as well give it a go. Ahem....

No one mentioned the obvious when coming out of cryo sleep: Damn, you got some serious stank yet don't appear to have ever made any poops or pees. 

The bar has been set low, so let the roast begin!

• Andrews - "Let me see if I have this correct, Lieutenant; it's an 8-foot creature of some kind with acid for blood, and it arrived on your spaceship. It kills on sight, and is generally unpleasant. And of course, you expect me accept all this on your word."
• Ripley - "No. I don't expect anything."
• Andrews - "Quite a story, Mr Aaron."
• Aaron - "Right sir, it's a beauty. Never heard anything quite like it, sir."

Ripley in Aliens: “57 years in hypersleep. And I still can’t give up smoking.”

 Ripley on trial for blowing up a very expensive ship with story about alien killing the whole crew. Only gets a slap on the wrist with a suspension.

Thanks on joining in guys, I had almost given up on this topic lol.

Lets acknowledge the elephant in the room. 

Parker : So, um, we think we should discuss the bonus situation...

Parker has been waiting 57 years to discuss the bonus situation. Ripley owes some serious back pay  

I think this was either in the script or extended Edition. Alien Resurrection...Weyland Yutani is bought out...by Walmart.

alien plot:

Group of people gets hunted by big boi with giant sausage for a head.

aliens plot:

Group of soldiers get hunted by big bois with giant sausages for heads including their mama which has bigger sausage for head and tail btw epic robot fight at end

alien 3 plot:

Group of people get hunted by fast small boi with smaller sausage for head btw main character dies lololololol.

alien resurrection plot:

Comedy

k im not doing covenant and prometheus

lesson from alien:

Don't trust eggs

Doing prequels is encouraged lol. I'm a fan of them, but fun should be had with them.

k im doing prequels

prometheus plot:

Group of people discover tall bald boi which beats them up btw tall bald boi gets attacked by squiddy god

alien covenant plot:

Group of people get attacked by medium boy with strange sausage for head and big organic boi with big organic sausage btw bad ending