I.Raptus
MemberPraetorianApr-20-2017 2:35 AMThis is my RAW (mostly) un-edited extracts from an Alien fan fiction story i have been working on.
PROLOGUE:
Pandion-B
Sub-surface – Eldridge Volcanic Basin
2184AD
In the darkness of a dormant magma tunnel, a shadow shifted from a hollow within the glassy obsidian walls. The shadow slid forward into an open chamber pocket lit starkly by a hellish orange glow. Thick humid steam escaped whistling from a ragged fissure in the floor. Beneath, thick magma flowed smoothly, the arterial life blood of the young blossoming planet above. The escaping light resolved the shadow into a ghastly emaciated figure slinking in the darkness. Its chitinous exoskeleton glistened like the obsidian walls surrounding it. It tasted the air and let out a low hiss, viscous saliva dripping from a mouth full of broken silvery teeth upon a smooth elongated backward-sloping skull. It could not see, not in a visual sense, but it had other far more acute senses. And it sensed, an opportunity.
Men had disturbed its torpor, come again to this planet to take from it its riches and resources. A planet that begged to be terraformed, ripe for seeding a new habitat for the ever-greedy hand of mankind. They could not resist it, like a bee to a sweet nectar they came. And continued the cycle.
Like its ancestor before it, the creature had stalked from the shadows, waiting for an opportune moment. The men had dug down into the earth, shadowed by monstrous drilling, and cutting machines. They worked in groups and flooded the sub-terrain landscape with light, noise and harsh vibrations. Patiently the creature waited nearby. It was larger, faster and more agile than any one man, and could dispatch a group of weak fleshy men with ease. But savage violence had no place in this stage of the creature’s life-cycle. It sought continuation, and for this it needed stealth to plant the wolf amongst the sheep.
One man had separated itself from his fellows to take a piss in a dark corner. Fluidly the creature seized its moment gliding from the shadows and ensnared the man silently. Long, cold, black fingers wrapped around the man’s head and torso and pulled him swiftly into the darkness, the explosive movement violent enough to shock the man into a comatose state. The creature dragged the man back to its pocket in the magma tunnel, far away from the other men. There it strung him to the wall like a spider cocooning its prey for a feast. But instead of devouring him the creature changed him with a special enzyme it had secreted. Still alive the black enzyme slowly broke the man’s tissue and flesh down, melting it all away into a soup of raw building blocks for a new, alien design. The man was conscious enough to witness as the alien DNA slowly re-wrote and re-formed his own biomass. The shape of a leathery egg had formed nightmarishly around him, forming from his now dissolved legs and waist, whilst he sunk ever downwards. Like a giant clamshell it rose steadily over him, finally closing over his head, his last weak muffled cries echoing in the darkness. Some time later it was done. In place of a human was now a squat thick egg about the size of a trash can. Over the days of the metamorphism the alien creature had waited patiently in its lair, continuously scanning its environment for threats. Satisfied the first-stage propagator was ready, it gingerly plucked the egg from the ground, sweeping away the remaining gore, clothing and web as it did so. Cautiously the alien creature returned to the domain of the men’s activity. Once its trap was set it slipped back into the shadows, found a dark warm corner to fold itself in to, and died, its function complete. Perhaps this cycle would yield environmental parameters that would offer more than just propagation of its species.
I.Raptus
MemberPraetorianApr-20-2017 2:39 AMExcerpt 1:
Pandion-b
Rising Suns Molybdenum Mining Colony
2184AD
Draining the last mouthful of the water with a gulp Morgan Ryan flicked the now empty paper cup out through a gap in the flapping blue tarp into the wilderness that was planet Pandion-b. Beside him his Terraforming Engineer Isaac Taylor and his assistant Alice Pomeroy argued over the implications from the latest round of spectroscopy results on the super volcanoes in the north of the continent. He wasn’t listening, because he didn’t care anymore. This planet had defeated him, had defeated his bosses of the Rising Suns Prospectors Corp too.
The three of them stood together in what was supposed to be a glass-paned observation deck on the second floor of their kit-bashed administration offices. The billowing tarp was evidence of shoddy repair work and dismal environmental conditions. Cold damp winds swirled around them buffeting the trio, forcing them to take a step back and pull their coats around them a little tighter.
Where is this damn ship? Morgan thought to himself. He swept his gaze around the picturesque panoramic view before him. The small-earth planet contained just a single massive continent surrounded by genuine salt oceans and nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere - Just like Earth. It had seemed like the perfect place to set up shop and build a new world. However it was soon discovered that despite its resource-rich primordial glacial mountain peak, sweeping delta rivers and rolling tundra plains, the planet was prone to catastrophic acid rain storms and ash clouds. The severe weather events were caused by the massive range of volcanoes busily terraforming the planet in their own way in the north of the continent. The single Colonial settlement containing a mining operations facility and a small supporting city was still in its infancy. Both were already streaked, pitted, and covered in dust. Corrosion and dust were an engineer’s worst pain, and it had taken its toll. Nothing much stayed working for long. The colony had become unsustainable and the pin had been pulled on their little venture. It was time to leave.
Below, the small mining colony spread around them, an industrious sprawl of pre-fab steel buildings and sheds within a matrix of paved yards full of shipping containers, gas silos and industrial machinery. The air on Pandion was breathable thanks to a decade of old-school terraforming. Unlike the colonies that were backed by the industrious might of the Weyland-Yutani Corp and their autonomous Atmospheric Processing units, the Pandion colony had to do it the hard way with genuine soil cultivation. All this to establish a carbon dioxide scrubbing, oxygen producing ecosystem that could support life. Everything had to be done from the bottom up. A single Atmospheric Processor had been dropped on planet prior to settlement, a fire-and-forget model that thinned out the thick soupy atmosphere until a viable ecosystem could be established. It had choked and shuttered itself to a standstill several months back, but had survived long enough to do the trick.
He stabbed a finger out towards the acres upon acres of wiltering conifer plantations that were yet another reminder of their failure to defeat the elements. Grim skeletal fingers reached towards him, mocking him. Beyond them a volcanic range dwarfed everything from horizon to horizon. It was here that had his science division so excited. Something about a spectral anomaly from IR and XRF readings deep within the rock.
Excerpt 2:
Outer Rim Starship The SYL - Deck 3 Modular Transport access.
Pandion zenith waypoint
Whare raced through Deck 3 of the ship, following a tight dimly lit access way that provided the only entry into the prisoner modules from within the ship. Sealed door slid open upon his shouted voice commands. Access to this part of the ship was limited to only the very senior members of the Syl. Behind him followed Chou, Morgan, Williams, Bolton and Taylor, all jogging hard.
Their boots clicked on the cold hard floor beneath him, their breathing was becoming ragged. Whare's panic was almost palpable. There had been stories doing the rounds out this way, out past the Rim. They never ended well. Hell, the ones they had heard were probably the best outcomes - at least there was something left to find. Creatures had been found on dead planets and old moons, waiting for explorers and deviants to come across them. They occasionally came across empty ships, dead bodies. It was almost like they had been left out here in darkness, on the edge of the rim. Explore too far, and you will find them. Whare had the impression something was none too keen on humanity going any further, and he wasn’t volunteering to try either.
As he ran he checked the manifest log on his datapad, looking for the latest entry. Bay 27, it reported. Bay ID numbers rolled past him, highlighted within bright green stripes running vertically down the side of the accompanying airlock doors. When at last they came to the bay containing the module from Pandion Whare lurched to a stop.
The bay door was a tall pentagon shape, inset into the wall with a small triangular viewport. Beyond the interior interlocking door was a small corridor that connected to the docked prisoner module. This door was grey brushed steel and round, at odds with the prison white and green of the Syl's interior. It too had a small round view port.
Whare and the others all crammed up against the ships interiors door vying for a look into the module. Inside Whare could see the corridor and metal stairs on both sides the led up the various floors. He couldn't see the cell doors as they were set too far back, blocked by the gantry flooring of each level. Besides a flickering fluorescent light somewhere above, everything seemed fine. There was no movement, no signs of a fight or violence. It was still.
"See. All good" Taylor said, relaxing visibly "Nothing is going to happen while Barnett is in stasis anyway".
"You don’t know that" Whare shot back, casting an irritated look at the Terraformer. With his eyes still on Taylor a high-pitched scream assaulted him. Cree staggered away from the viewport her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide with fear. "Mother Lord" she whimpered. Chou grabbed her as she stumbled backwards.
“Get out of the way!” Whare shoved his way back to the view port, pushing past Bolton and Morgan and peered in. Again he was met with stillness inside.
"What did you see?!" He heard Morgan ask Cree.
Then he saw it. A dark skeletal frame rose into view covered in sticky red ropes of blood that hung between limbs like webbing. Black as the night the beast contrasted unnaturally to the harsh white light within the prisoner module. This was a thing not designed for the light, but instead a creature of the shadows and the darkest corners of the galaxy.
Light glinted off its ebony chitinous exoskeleton. An elongated skull with no eyes sloped backwards over a spiny back which had protruding sets of black tubes. A thick spiny tail whipped about behind the beast, its tip tapering to a blade like digit. The front of the domed head split laterally revealing rows of silvery too-human like teeth. It hissed low and long as it saw them watching, audible even through the two doors that separated them. The creature wobbled feebly, weak and frail in its adolescence. Another set of jaws shot out from inside the open mouth on a muscular appendage, dripping clear viscous saliva. It snapped once at the air then retracted just as quick, back into the larger mouth. Then suddenly the beast was gone, disappearing from view.
"F--k me!" whispered Whare. Now there was one of the things on his ship.
Blackwinter-witch
MemberPraetorianApr-20-2017 2:47 AMUpvoted!!
And it really sets the tone and mood extremely well and immediately!! I really like the mention of a different company and how they do things differently by necessity! You can almost FEEL the financial loss!
IN SPACE THERE IS NO WARNING
dk
MemberTrilobiteApr-20-2017 2:50 AMHmmm......Interesting. Nice how much describes the physical surroundings so that the reader can get a good mental picture.
I.Raptus
MemberPraetorianApr-20-2017 3:18 AMThanks guys!! Most of the first part of this story will be in space, but there will be a return to explore the planet much more!!
Blackwinter-witch
MemberPraetorianApr-20-2017 3:25 AMYW! Thank-you for another well-done slice of life in the ALIENverse! Looking fwd to when your muse next inspires and/or you select an excerpt to post!
IN SPACE THERE IS NO WARNING
dk
MemberTrilobiteApr-20-2017 3:30 AMAs a reader, it is important to identify with the environment and you described it with all of the senses. All that before any actual dialogue.
BigDave
MemberDeaconApr-20-2017 7:27 AMInteresting and well put together, this is one thing i have a flaw with, i can make a good story and plot but i can not write it down in a way that tells a story better.
Be interesting to read the Final Product once you have completed it ;
R.I.P Sox 01/01/2006 - 11/10/2017
I.Raptus
MemberPraetorianApr-20-2017 1:26 PMThanks again guys! I'll do a dialogue excerpt next, one with the crew talking about everyone's little nasty face hugging friend
Blackwinter-witch
MemberPraetorianApr-20-2017 3:05 PMThis might offer you some help in getting past the obstacles you encounter when writing.
Advice & Tricks for my fellow Writers
Very much looking fwd to more! The planet you designed is really a Perfect setting!
IN SPACE THERE IS NO WARNING
Something Real
MemberTrilobiteApr-20-2017 3:22 PMIRAPTUS - I very much enjoyed this story! The way in which you described the actions and mind frames of your characters was quite evocative! Excellent work! Thank you ever so much for taking the time to create this and share it with us! :)
Stan Winston (deceased)
MemberFacehuggerApr-20-2017 3:52 PMLovin' it: "flicked the now empty paper cup out through a gap in the flapping blue tarp into the wilderness". Love the irony of "terraforming" of another kind!
Ati
MemberPraetorianApr-20-2017 4:29 PMStop posting your excerpts and ideas because S.M will finally create a perfect script using them and get a lot of money from Fox. :) --- Just kidding. :) Send them, share them.
Rick
MemberXenomorphApr-20-2017 5:45 PMIraptus, I really like the well laid foundation for their environment. I would recommend changing from nitrous to nitrogen rich. When I read nitrous instead of nitrogen (was thinking helium at the time) first thing that popped in my head was daffy duck talking funny. Like breathing in a helium balloon. Nitrous makes you loopy and grougy. Overall an excellent start to I'm sure a good story.
Keep it coming
I.Raptus
MemberPraetorianApr-20-2017 8:41 PM@Something Real - Thanks for your comment, im very glad you enjoyed!! It was all the outstanding stories you and the others have shared that gave me the confidence to have a go myself.
@Stan Winston - haha Im glad you picked the one line I specifically wrote in there to highlight the irony of humanity's "terraforming".
@Ati hahaha nice comment! That being said imagine the script we could come up with if we all pooled our ideas together!!!
Thanks Rick! good pick up ill fix that up
Something Real
MemberTrilobiteApr-20-2017 9:35 PMIRAPTUS - You have succeeded with flying colors! Furthermore, I have no doubt you would have presented an excellent story regardless of inspiration. Once again, thank you for sharing this with us! :)
I.Raptus
MemberPraetorianApr-25-2017 5:34 PMExcerpt 2:
CHAPTER 3: UNATURAL SELECTION
Outer Rim Starship The SYL - Deck 3 Modular Transport access.
Pandion zenith waypoint
Whare raced through Deck 3 of the ship, following a tight dimly lit access way that provided the only entry into the prisoner modules from within the ship. Sealed door slid open upon his shouted voice commands. Access to this part of the ship was limited to only the very senior members of the Syl. Behind him followed Chou, Morgan, Williams, Bolton and Taylor, all jogging hard.
Their boots clicked on the cold hard floor beneath him, their breathing was becoming ragged. Whare's panic was almost palpable. There had been stories doing the rounds out this way, out past the Rim. They never ended well. Hell, the ones they had heard were probably the best outcomes - at least there was something left to find. Creatures had been found on dead planets and old moons, waiting for explorers and deviants to come across them. They occasionally came across empty ships, dead bodies. It was almost like they had been left out here in darkness, on the edge of the rim. Explore too far, and you will find them. Whare had the impression something was none too keen on humanity going any further, and he wasn’t volunteering to try either.
As he ran he checked the manifest log on his datapad, looking for the latest entry. Bay 27, it reported. Bay ID numbers rolled past him, highlighted within bright green stripes running vertically down the side of the accompanying airlock doors. When at last they came to the bay containing the module from Pandion Whare lurched to a stop.
The bay door was a tall pentagon shape, inset into the wall with a small triangular viewport. Beyond the interior interlocking door was a small corridor that connected to the docked prisoner module. This door was grey brushed steel and round, at odds with the prison white and green of the Syl's interior. It too had a small round view port.
Whare and the others all crammed up against the ships interiors door vying for a look into the module. Inside Whare could see the corridor and metal stairs on both sides the led up the various floors. He couldn't see the cell doors as they were set too far back, blocked by the gantry flooring of each level. Besides a flickering fluorescent light somewhere above, everything seemed fine. There was no movement, no signs of a fight or violence. It was still.
"See. All good" Taylor said, relaxing visibly "Nothing is going to happen while Barnett is in stasis anyway".
"You don’t know that" Whare shot back, casting an irritated look at the Terraformer. With his eyes still on Taylor a high-pitched scream assaulted him. Cree staggered away from the viewport her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide with fear. "Mother Lord" she whimpered. Chou grabbed her as she stumbled backwards.
“Get out of the way!” Whare shoved his way back to the view port, pushing past Bolton and Morgan and peered in. Again he was met with stillness inside.
"What did you see?!" He heard Morgan ask Cree.
Then he saw it. A dark skeletal frame rose into view covered in sticky red ropes of blood that hung between limbs like webbing. Black as the night the beast contrasted unnaturally to the harsh white light within the prisoner module. This was a thing not designed for the light, but instead a creature of the shadows and the darkest corners of the galaxy.
Light glinted off its ebony chitinous exoskeleton. An elongated skull with no eyes sloped backwards over a spiny back which had protruding sets of black tubes. A thick spiny tail whipped about behind the beast, its tip tapering to a blade like digit. The front of the domed head split laterally revealing rows of silvery too-human like teeth. It hissed low and long as it saw them watching, audible even through the two doors that separated them. The creature wobbled feebly, weak and frail in its adolescence. Another set of jaws shot out from inside the open mouth on a muscular appendage, dripping clear viscous saliva. It snapped once at the air then retracted just as quick, back into the larger mouth. Then suddenly the beast was gone, disappearing from view.
"F--k me!" whispered Whare. Now there was one of the things on his ship.
Blackwinter-witch
MemberPraetorianApr-25-2017 5:47 PMOH, this is GOOD!! You're attention to detail really paints the scene excellently in the 'mental theatre'!!
IN SPACE THERE IS NO WARNING
I.Raptus
MemberPraetorianApr-25-2017 6:37 PMYou are most kind!!!!
I got a bit excited and just had to share my first big reveal of a xeno drone! I wanted it to be detailed and emotional.
Some of the official published novels are disgraceful at describing the xeno eg (without naming names). "The Alien ran towards them".....doesn't exactly evoke much fear or dread.
Tiwaz
MemberChestbursterApr-25-2017 6:51 PMThis is good, I like it! :)
Eine Theorie die nicht auf Etwas solidem basiert ist für gewöhnlich nur Geschwätz.
dk
MemberTrilobiteApr-25-2017 7:02 PMAgain, I like how you describe the scene so the reader can get a really good picture and feel of the environment.
Blackwinter-witch
MemberPraetorianApr-26-2017 4:15 PMOH you are SO right in how some of the published works do a disappointingly lacklustre presentation of an Alien!! VERY pleased about how you do such, it really paints the scene and creature Vividly!! I am very much enjoying this story!
IN SPACE THERE IS NO WARNING
I.Raptus
MemberPraetorianMay-09-2017 11:54 PMExcerpt 3: (prologue)
In the darkness of a dormant magma tunnel, a shadow shifted from a hollow within the glassy obsidian walls. The shadow slid forward into an open chamber pocket lit starkly by a hellish orange glow. Thick humid steam escaped whistling from a ragged fissure in the floor. Beneath, thick magma flowed smoothly, the arterial life blood of the young blossoming planet above. The escaping light resolved the shadow into a ghastly emaciated figure slinking in the darkness. Its chitinous exoskeleton glistened like the obsidian walls surrounding it. It tasted the air and let out a low hiss, viscous saliva dripping from a mouth full of broken silvery teeth upon a smooth elongated backward-sloping skull. It could not see, not in a visual sense, but it had other far more acute senses. And it sensed, an opportunity.
Men had disturbed its torpor, come again to this planet to take from it its riches and resources. A planet that begged to be terraformed, ripe for seeding a new habitat for the ever-greedy hand of mankind. They could not resist it, like a bee to a sweet nectar they came. And continued the cycle.
Like its ancestor before it, the creature had stalked from the shadows, waiting for an opportune moment. The men had dug down into the earth, shadowed by monstrous drilling, and cutting machines. They worked in groups and flooded the sub-terrain landscape with light, noise and harsh vibrations. Patiently the creature waited nearby. It was larger, faster and more agile than any one man, and could dispatch a group of weak fleshy men with ease. But savage violence had no place in this stage of the creature’s life-cycle. It sought continuation, and for this it needed stealth to plant the wolf amongst the sheep.
One man had separated itself from his fellows to take a piss in a dark corner. Fluidly the creature seized its moment gliding from the shadows and ensnared the man silently. Long, cold, black fingers wrapped around the man’s head and torso and pulled him swiftly into the darkness, the explosive movement violent enough to shock the man into a comatose state. The creature dragged the man back to its pocket in the magma tunnel, far away from the other men. There it strung him to the wall like a spider cocooning its prey for a feast. But instead of devouring him the creature changed him with a special enzyme it had secreted. Still alive the black enzyme slowly broke the man’s tissue and flesh down, melting it all away into a soup of raw building blocks for a new, alien design. The man was conscious enough to witness as the alien DNA slowly re-wrote and re-formed his own biomass. The shape of a leathery egg had formed nightmarishly around him, forming from his now dissolved legs and waist, whilst he sunk ever downwards. Like a giant clamshell it rose steadily over him, finally closing over his head, his last weak muffled cries echoing in the darkness. Some time later it was done. In place of a human was now a squat thick egg about the size of a trash can. Over the days of the metamorphism the alien creature had waited patiently in its lair, continuously scanning its environment for threats. Satisfied the first-stage propagator was ready, it gingerly plucked the egg from the ground, sweeping away the remaining gore, clothing and web as it did so. Cautiously the alien creature returned to the domain of the men’s activity. Once its trap was set it slipped back into the shadows, found a dark warm corner to fold itself in to, and died, its function complete. Perhaps this cycle would yield environmental parameters that would offer more than just propagation of species.
dk
MemberTrilobiteMay-10-2017 12:04 AMIRaptus You should talk with BWW- What I told her goes for you as well if taken the same.
Something Real
MemberTrilobiteMay-10-2017 12:06 AMIRAPTUS - You are painting an exceptionally compelling picture with your characters! I find myself wondering what will transpire next! Excellent work! :)
Blackwinter-witch
MemberPraetorianMay-10-2017 12:09 AMAbsolutely splendidly awesome!!!
I truly loved the gorgeous work you did in the descriptions, and the way you handled the actions was flawless!!
This would make an amazing short-story video just by itself!!!
TY also for eggmorphing!! SO nice to see it acknowledged!!
IN SPACE THERE IS NO WARNING
I.Raptus
MemberPraetorianMay-10-2017 1:38 AMThank you all again!!!
I should note that this except is actually the prologue to the whole story. I have slotted it into the original post so it puts it into context a bit better.
@Something Real, when can we expect a new instalment from you??!!