Cervantes
MemberOvomorph01/9/2012@ Spartacus - Although my previous message to you has appeared okay, the longer, detailed response that I keep trying to post is STILL not showing on here for me, as I seem to be getting 'logged out' everytime I try to post it!
So hopefully this short message will show okay, and I'm going to start a new topic called 'My ALIEN 3 'fan-edit' proposal...with a TWIST!' here in the 'Alien Discussions' forum instead. Perhaps you can reply to me on that when you see it posted. Thanks.
Neurion
Veteran MemberMemberOvomorph01/9/2012Hey…nice writing Snorkelbottom! I’m actually enjoying reading something I never thought I would…a sequel to ALIEN: RESSURECTION. That was a film that I never really cared for…and still don’t. Of course, I haven’t been completely satisfied with any of the post ALIEN films. However, I think that you’re doing a great job with the given material. The writing actually reminds me a lot of Alan Dean Foster’s Alien novels. Great job!
~N
Spartacus
MemberOvomorph01/9/2012"C" No worries sorry for any delay in response I am on it !!!
Spartacus
MemberOvomorph01/10/2012"Snorky", before you post another take a look at what I wrote about the last installment please.
Cheers
Sparty@ThePrometheusParty
Gavin
MemberTrilobite01/10/2012Well guys, call me modest, but I did not expect such an overwhelming reaction to this story. I humbly accept your praise. Although I feel it only right to add that being an author has been somewhat of a pipe-dream for me for 20 years now.
This next installment is a small one, but it wraps up the second act of the story, enjoy...
Hours later in the cell, Call lies on the top bunk of one of the bunk beds facing the wall, her eyes wide open, unable to sleep. Unsettled by Ripley 8’s behaviour since their reunion she turns over now facing the door. There, silhouetted against the doors glass panel Call notices Ripley 8 watching her. At first, this unsettles Call, but she does not know why, then in a whispered, broken voice, “Ripley, are you feeling better?”
Ripley 8 just stands there, continuing her unbroken, unseen gaze before slowly, silently stepping toward Call. Mere inches from Calls face, Ripley 8 whispers almost hissing, “I see things clearly…now!”
Apprehensive, Call stutters, “What, what, what do you mean?”
Ripley 8 Looks over her shoulder towards the door to their cell and then back to Call, “I think it’s time to leave.”
As if on cue, both Vriess and Johner turn towards Ripley 8 and Call, eager to leave.
The Doctor, sat in a high back leather chair in his own office taps a sequence of keys on the keyboard on the desk in front of him. Displayed on the screen are the records for the crew of the USCSS Nostromo.
…Ash-Science Officer…Deactivated-2122
…Brett-Assistant Engineer…Deceased-2122
…Dallas-Captain-Nostromo…Deceased-2122
…Lambert-Navigator-Nostromo…Deceased-2122
…Kane-Executive Officer-Nostromo…Deceased-2122
…Parker-Engineering Technician-Nostromo…Deceased-2122
…Ripley-Warrant Officer-Nostromo…Deceased-2179
The Doctor, his face light by the static blue light of the monitor, taps a key, highlighting the first entry before tapping the Enter key. Ash’s record is displayed.
…Name…Ash
…Rank…Science Officer
…Station…USCSS Nostromo
…Activated…September 2122
…Deactivated…Unknown Date 2122
…
…
…Order Given…Special 000937
…Order Category…Acquisition
…Order Relay Point…Thedus Colony
…Order Relay Date…September 2122
…Order Completion Status…Failed
…
…Additional
…
…Order Given…Executive 000085
…Order Relay Point…USCSS Nostromo
…Order Category…Verification
…Order Relay Date…November 2122
…Order Completion Status…95% Complete
…
…End
Highlighting the Nostromo’s science officers executive order number, the Doctor again taps the Enter key.
…Executive Order 000085
…Verify genetic markers for species 005 during implantation/gestation period. Removal of implantation organism is prohibited. Ensure specimen reaches maturity. Catalogue all available information regarding life cycle. Top Priority.
The Doctor stares at the screen for a few seconds before logging out and leaning back in his high back leather chair, the blue glow from the monitor faintly illuminating his face as he closes his eyes, smiling.
Gavin
MemberTrilobite01/10/2012Here we are, the beginning of the end. The third act begins, time to heat things up and kill some characters...
Bang. Bang. The two synthetic soldiers guarding the cell turn to face each other and then the door. The first synthetic soldier raises its weapon as the second presses a button, opening the door. Reaching its hand down the panel the second synthetic soldier activates the lights in the room. After the initial blinding glare of the lights subsides the two synthetic soldiers see Call violently thrashing on the floor, vomiting white fluid and reaching for chest. The synthetic soldiers rush to Calls aid ignoring the fact that beside Call only Vriess and Johner can be seen.
As the synthetic soldiers crouch down in front of Call she stops thrashing and looks at them, almost comically, “Hey you guys!”
Behind them Ripley 8 punches an arm into each, reaches inside and grabs their spines housing their neural relays before crushing them, deactivating the synthetic soldiers. Johner picks up the two assault rifles as Call and Vriess each grab a sidearm from their lifeless former jailors.
Ripley 8, her arms free grabs one of the assault rifles from Johner and checks the corridor outside the cell. Signalling all is clearly Ripley 8 leads her friends down the corridor and opens a door. Heading down the next corridor Johner, now running alongside Ripley 8 sees a sign signalling the way to the hangar. He points his assault rifle at the sign and Ripley 8 nods. Following the direction from the sign the group reach a large double door labelled ‘Hangar’. Ripley moves over to the switch by the side of the door, throwing her assault rifle to Johner, Vriess and Call behind him, their sidearm’s raised.
As the double doors open two synthetic soldiers, posted either side turn to face each other as Johner steps forward, pointing the barrels of assault rifles at each of the synthetic soldiers heads. BANG. An explosion of white liquid, and white leathery components as the now headless bodies of the synthetics soldiers slump to the ground like abandoned dolls.
Catching her assault rifle from Johner Ripley 8 opens fire on a small team of synthetic soldiers as they raise the security alarm. Call joins Ripley 8 in occupying the enemy as Vriess and Johner open the cargo bay door of the Raven, the ship that transported them to the station, and enter within.
The Doctor is jolted awake by the sound of klaxons as the door to his office opens. The Major, alert and angry, “They’re trying to escape, you stay here, I’ll sort this out.”
In response the Doctor merely nods.
Back in the Hangar Ripley 8 and Call continue to exchange gunfire with the synthetic soldiers as Johner shouts at Vriess inside the Raven’s cockpit, “I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing?”
Vriess, panicking at all the buttons, levers and switches, “I do, I do, I just need to find…” he trails of, the plethora of choice overwhelming him.
“This is going to be the Betty all over again!” Johner exclaims.
“Shut up monkey boy!” Vriess presses in a big red plunger.
Outside, protected by cover of big metal cargo boxes Ripley 8 and Call turn their attention to the Raven as its rear thrusters ignite and the armed transport itself detaches from its docking clamps, hovering in place. Call turns to Ripley 8, shouting over the roar of the Ravens thrusters, “Better get on board, before Vriess crashes the damn thing.”
Ripley 8 nods and makes towards the Ravens open cargo bay door, she stops and turns to look at Call, shouting “You?”
“I’ll buy you some time, go!” Call shouts in reply before opening fire again on the synthetic soldiers.
Ripley 8 throws her assault rifle to Call, whom proceeds to use it before jumping on board the Raven and heading to the cockpit to relieve Vriess. Running in to the cockpit Ripley 8 places her hand on Vriess’ shoulder, but as Vriess makes to get up Johner leans towards the side of the cockpit screen, “Oh shit!”
Ripley 8 turns round to see the Hangar double doors open, the Major and a small team of synthetic soldiers stepping through, flanking Call. Pushing Vriess back into the pilots seat Ripley 8 grabs Johners gun and heads back to the open cargo bay door. Call, trapped, looks to the open cargo bay door of the Raven and sees Ripley 8 appear, opening fire on the Major and his team of synthetic soldiers. Ripley 8 turns to Call and shouts “Jump!”
Leaving cover, Call runs towards the raven and leaps for the ramp of the open cargo bay door, receiving multiple gunshots as she does. Squarely landing on ramp Call gets up and looks down at the numerous bullet holes in her torso. Ripley 8 placing a hand on Calls shoulder, “You alright?”
Call nods, smiling, “Scratches. Nothing I can’t fix.” A strange whipping, whooshing noise murmurs.
As Ripley smiles back something erupts from Calls chest. It stretches the fabric of Calls top before eventually tearing through.
The head of the grappling rope opens just before the Major, instigator of the attack retracts the cord.
Call is jolted backward from Ripley 8’s reach but manages to grab the bottom of the ramp with one hand. Ripley 8 runs to Calls aid but is stopped by gunfire ricocheting of the ramp between herself and Call. She looks up to see Call looking at her, her eyes pleading, “Ripley, don’t do this.”
“I have too. I have to make things right.” Ripley 8 replies, as if in apology.
The Major with all his weight pulls on the grappling cable, causing Call to bleed white blood from chest, a ripping, cracking sound accompanies the bleeding. Call, not in pain, but aware of her fate once more pleads with Ripley 8, “Please, don’t!”
Instead of goodbye, Ripley 8 mournfully replies, “I’m sorry!”
The Majors roar of effort is barely drowned out by the Raven’s thrusters as he pulls on the grappling cable one more time ripping Call in half and destroying her neural relay. Ripley 8 glares at the Major as she shuts the cargo bay doors, her eyes filled with hatred, and tears.
“Ripley!” Vriess’ panicked scream snaps Ripley 8 back into the present. Running into the cockpit she replaces Vriess in the pilots seat and looks forward to see the Hangar bay doors closed. She looks to Johner.
Johner, no words needed, “I got it.” He operates the screen in front of him. “Well I’ve got Independently Targeting Particle Phalanx, Tactical Smart Missiles, Phased Plasma Rockets…”
“That’ll do.” Ripley 8 intercedes.
Vriess looks at the Hangar bay doors and then at Ripley “Are you sure?”
Ripley scowls at Vriess and then turns to Johner, “Do it!”
Johner flicks switches and presses buttons. Immediately after each button press each of the weapons is targeted at the Hangar bay doors and launched as Ripley thrusts the pilots stick forward. As the Raven, at full throttle heads towards the Hangar bay doors the Major stands and watches full of pride.
As the ordinance hits the Hangar bay doors a large ball of flame erupts shaking the hangar violently, before suddenly being sucked out into the vacuum of space. The Major, his pride eradicated in an instant, and his team of synthetic soldiers are plucked off their feet and catapulted into space, each one of them ricocheting off the Raven.
Vriess dropping into his seat, exhales in relief. Johner, disarming the Ravens weapons looks out through the cockpit window at the Majors body floating in zero gravity, “I’ll be damned!”
Both Ripley 8 and Vriess locate the Majors body as the vacuum of space cracks and ruptures his veins, pouring his white, milky blood among the stars. Ripley 8 scoffs before launching the Raven towards the planet below.
Spartacus
MemberOvomorph01/10/2012Too Much Man !!!
Just totally entertaining dude.
Thank You !
Frantz
MemberOvomorph01/10/2012mmmm lets see what happen ...ive a long list of good vibes and a few complaints ... until now !!
Gavin
MemberTrilobite01/11/2012I've been finalising the ending which will follow this installment.
Yes just one more installment to go and then I'll be more than happy to hear your views good or bad, your questions and any discussions from that.
The Raven descends down through the turbulent clouds of the unnamed planet. Ripley 8 holding the control stick firm in her right hand, and flicking various switches above her head turns slightly towards Vriess and Johner, “Better buckle up, this is gonna be rough!”
As the Raven rocks and jolts in the turbulent winds of the atmosphere Ripley 8 turns her attention to a screen showing the contours of the ground below. Marked on the screen is a red triangle with the designation ‘FO-12’. Ripley 8 taps the red triangle causing a marker and counter to appear on the cockpit window. Ripley 8 shifts the control stick slightly, levelling out just meters above the ground and orientating the Raven towards the marker. Johner, aware that Ripley 8 is flying to an outpost, most likely guarded, he turns to her confused, “What’s the plan?”
Ripley 8 produces the old computer panel from her pocket and places it on the cockpits panel, Vriess recognising it enquires, “That’s centuries old! What do you need it for?”
“I need to borrow their equipment.” Ripley 8 simply states before turning to Johner, “I’m gonna need you to keep them busy,” she turns to Vriess, “and I’m gonna need you to fly stick!”
Vriess’ eyes widen, but Ripley 8 reassures him, “I’ve locked the altitude and redirected the horizontal controls to the stick.” Noticing Vriess’ eyes widen more, “Just waggle the stick you’ll be fine.”
The Raven, maintaining level above the ground, raises as the ground comes to small incline before dropping with the ground. In front of the Raven is an observation station, complete with an orbital transmitter, guarded by four synthetic soldiers. Behind them, stretching towards the horizon, dozens of large organic egg-shaped structures, the Alien hives. The faint silhouettes of Aliens perched, scurrying and patrolling between and on top of the hives.
The synthetic soldiers raise their weapons as the Raven approaches, turning towards them as it slows to stop above the ground, dust and debris blowing up from the backwash of the Ravens engines. The cargo bay door opens, dropping down to become a ramp. Johner, relishing the moment stands proud and heroic before running off the ramp and firing his assault rifle at one of the synthetic soldiers, their head exploding in a mist of milk.
Landing on the ground Johner throws down his assault rifle as the three remaining synthetic soldiers run towards him. Cracking his neck, “Come on fella’s.”
The first synthetic soldier punches Johner square in the stomach while dodging Johners punch. Folding forward Johner head butts the first synthetic soldier as it rises from its crouched position. The second synthetic soldier steps behind Johner ready to grab him, but Johner stands upright, snapping his head back, head butting his would be grabber. As the first and second synthetic soldiers briefly recover from their blows, and as the third charges at Johner Ripley 8 jumps from the cargo bay ramp and runs behind the orbital transmitter, unseen.
Punching through the metallic housing of the transmitter Ripley 8 is able to rip off the security panel, revealing a myriad of cables, a monitor and a keyboard. Ripley 8 slides out the keyboard and furiously taps on the keys as Johner uppercuts one of the synthetic soldiers, knocking it off its feet and then flat on its back.
The relay dish atop the orbital transmitter moves from looking due south to looking straight up. Ripley 8 taps away again at the keyboard. Johner, grabbed by two of the synthetic soldiers either side of him head butts the third, knocking it back.
Ripley 8 pulls two cables from inside the transmitter before pulling the old computer panel from her pocket. She then connects the cables to the panel and enters a brief code onto the keyboard. The monitor displays the word ‘TRANSMITTING’. Ripley 8 looks around the transmitter to see Johner spearhead two of the synthetic guards, knocking them onto their backs. Returning her attention to the transmitter, she places the old computer panel underneath the housing, out of sight before ripping out the keyboard.
Ripley 8 appears from behind the orbital transmitter, long coat wavering in the wind, her hood raised, casually walking towards the synthetic soldiers as they turn to notice her. Johner taking his cue grabs his assault rifle and jumps back on board the Raven. One of the synthetic soldiers charges Ripley 8. She sidesteps the charge and thrusts out her arm, clothes-lining her attacker who doubles over in the air before landing face down on the ground. The second synthetic soldier cautiously approaches Ripley 8 before swinging a punch at her. She weaves out of the way of the attack before rising back up, grabbing her second attacker by the shoulder and kicking the back of its knees, sending them to the ground. The third synthetic soldier, having observed Ripley 8’s fighting ability adapts and turns towards her, performing a spinning back kick. Unflinching Ripley 8 grabs the extended leg of her attacker and, having noticed the first synthetic soldier is now standing, swings her attacker with his leg, sending him flying into the first.
Johner, watching from the ramp, cheers for Ripley, obviously impressed by her fighting prowess. Still out of breath from his own fight with the synthetic soldiers Johner crouches down to catch his breathe and rest his muscles. Touching the floor Johner’s hands feel wet. Looking down he sees threads of mucus and slime as he raises his hand. Behind him, beyond his peripheral vision a familiar dark, skeletal tail waves in the wake of movement.
Spartacus
MemberOvomorph01/11/2012i need my fix now !!!
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v234/LT.HIGHTIMES/1a1coke.jpg[/img]
Spartacus
MemberOvomorph01/11/2012"Snorky"....?..."Snorky"...
..."is it safe"...?...
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v234/LT.HIGHTIMES/SAFE.gif[/img]
Gavin
MemberTrilobite01/12/2012Here we are the final installment, the end, the finale. Enjoy...
Johner stands up slowly before hearing the tap, tap of footprints behind him, slowly circling around him. Closing his eyes Johner slowly swallows in an attempt to steady his nerves before opening his eyes. Looking to his left, his head still as rock, Johner sees his antagonist step into view. Its metallic teeth almost grinning, drools of saliva slowly dripping from is aggressively pointed chin, its elongated ridged head slowly turning towards him. Johner freezes, remembering the only part of the Doctors ranting that he actually listened to, that the Aliens are blind.
Its clawed hands drooping in front of its chest, its dinosaur-like hind legs bent causing it to lean forward slightly, its tail flowing behind it, the Alien raises its chin as though smelling the air. Johner holds his breath. The Alien turns and circles around behind Johner, the motion causing its tail to gently whip towards Johner before flowing behind the Alien, missing Johners face by less than inch.
Ripley 8, holding on of the synthetic soldiers in a head lock, looks up towards the Raven, and sees Johner frozen as an Alien circles him, teasing him, playing with him. Snapping the synthetic soldiers neck, deactivating it, she shouts at the top of her lungs, “Johner, it can see you!”
On board the space station in orbit above the unnamed planet the Doctor anxiously gazes down upon the Alien infested world. To his right one of the technicians, “Dr. Charles,” The doctor turns to face the technician, “I’m picking up a signal from the planet surface.”
The Doctor intrigued, “Can you isolate the location?”
“Yes sir,” The technician brings up a map of the planet, scattered across the map are many blue triangles, with one flashing red, “The signal is being transmitted from Forward Observations-12 sir.”
The Doctor looks at the flashing beacon the screen, “Is it from the team stationed there?”
“No sir,” The technician brings up the binary code for the signal, “Its…is that?”
Wide eyed the Doctor barks, “Shut it off! Turn off that goddamn signal!”
The technician types furiously on the keyboard in front of them, “I can’t sir, I’m locked out.”
Although furious, the Doctor enquires, “Can you at least get me a visual from that outpost?”
“Er…I, I think so sir.” The technician types on a few keys, “There we are!” relieved, the technician brings up a display on the monitor showing Ripley 8 fighting two synthetic soldiers, the lifeless bodies of the other two slumped on the ground and the USM Raven hovering nearby. Leaning closer to the monitor the Doctor ponders, “Ripley, Ripley, Ripley, what are you up to?”
Johner, unable to hear Ripley 8’s warnings over the roar of the Ravens engines remains motionless, believing the Alien is unable to see him. Circling back round it again appears at Johners left side before slowly turning its back toward him. Johner slowly breathes a sigh of relief. The Alien snaps back round to face Johner, slowly opening its mouth, revealing its deadly tongue.
Ripley 8 watches helplessly as the Alien grabs Johner and thrusts him against the bulkhead wall within the Ravens cargo bay, “Johner!”
One of the synthetic soldiers rushes Ripley 8 from the front, she sidesteps it grabbing them at the throat and with one hand snaps their neck, deactivating them, as the final synthetic soldier moves in behind her. Again she screams, “Johner!”
Johner, pinned against the wall by the Alien, holds its head at bay as the creature maintains its iron grip on Johner’s shoulders. Snap, the Alien’s deadly tongue darts out, barely missing Johners face. Johner grabs the creatures jaw, forcing its mouth shut, “Now what are you gonna do, huh?”
The Alien whips its tail before stabbing at Johner, again barely missing his face. Johner straining to hold the creature at bay, “Come on then! What have you got?”
Closing its grip on Johner’s shoulders the Alien thrusts its razor sharp claws into his chest.
Ripley 8, grabbed from behind by the final synthetic soldier screams, “Johner, NO!” as Johner screams out in agony releasing his grip on the Alien, which furiously darts its deadly tongue into Johner’s head, his body slumping lifelessly. Grabbing the synthetic soldier Ripley 8 throws it over her shoulder and onto the ground, before ripping out its throat and neural relay. Lifting her head towards the Raven Ripley 8 looks towards the cockpit, panicked she screams “Vriess!”
In the cockpit Vriess looks down at Ripley 8 as she crushes the last synthetic soldiers neural relay. Unaware of his friends demise he looks back over his shoulder, “Johner?”
As Vriess looks back towards Ripley 8 the Alien’s tail waves behind him from the doorway before disappearing from view. Again Vriess looks back over his shoulder, “Johner?”
Vriess looks again at Ripley 8 and sees her starting to run toward the Raven, but as he prepares to swing the ship round for her he notices her stop. Vriess frowns with confusion as he grabs the control stick, and then to his left he hears and feels and exhaling hiss. Turning toward the sound Vriess stares at the metallic teeth of the Alien as it opens its drooling mouth, its deadly tongue quivering in anticipation. Vriess shakingly mutters, “Oh shit!”
“NO!” Ripley 8 screams as the Aliens tongue darts into Vriess’ face, killing him instantly, Vriess’ lifeless hands pulling the control stick backwards as his arm muscles retract.
Ripley 8 watches in helpless despair as the Raven careers backwards toward the drop at the end of the incline. The Ravens thrusters buckle and break under the momentum before causing the Raven to explode in to a huge fireball of red flames, blistering heat and flying shrapnel, black smoke billowing high into the air.
Watching from the safety of the space station the Doctor turns again to the technician enquiring, “Have you found a way to turn off that damn signal yet?”
The technician nervously answers, “Yes sir, by shutting down all of the observation posts systems. Should I proceed?”
“Not yet,” the Doctors curiosity bettering his judgment, “I want to see this.”
Ripley 8 turns her back on the flaming wreckage of the Raven and the dead bodies of her friends, drooping her shoulders in resignation. Looking up she senses the many Aliens now scurrying and around their hives watching her, waiting for her. Walking slowly forward she looks far into the distance, in the mist surrounding the largest hive and sees the silhouette of an Alien. An Alien like the Queen but somehow different, larger. Ripley 8 senses it watching her before it roars a deep throated, rumbling roar. Glancing out of the corners of her eyes she sees Aliens scurrying away from her, as though responding to the roar. She looks again to the mist in the distance as the large silhouette moves off and disappears.
The Aliens around her, all around her, no longer in retreat, but slowly creeping towards her, Ripley 8 stops and slides the long coat from her, letting it drop on the ground. The Aliens edge closer. She stands still but unafraid, her bare, muscular arms indented with the biomechanical grooves of the Alien. The Aliens, so close now, saliva drooling from their chins, their mouths hissing open, their bodies tense with anticipation as Ripley 8 slowly, calmly closes her eyes and whispers silently, “Amanda.”
Shaking furiously the Aliens all together spit their acidic venom at Ripley 8, burning away her clothes and her thin layer of human skin, revealing the bio-mechanical nightmare she was becoming. Then in a fury of lashing tails, ripping claws, and biting teeth the Aliens pounce on Ripley 8 in unison. Her screams of agony are none, but the fury and wrath of the Aliens is plenty as more and more pounce upon her, tearing, ripping and shredding her apart. Again the nightmarish landscape of the Alien infested planet shakes to the Roar of the large, unseen Alien. The orgy of Aliens scurry from their quarry, from their kill, all that remains is a tattered and burnt long coat.
The Doctor pauses briefly, in surprise rather than respect, “Turn it off.” And as he moves towards a free monitor opposite the large window, “Send that footage to my station.”
“Yes sir” the technician replies as the Doctor seats himself in front of the monitor.
The Doctor skips through the footage before pressing play, the strange silhouette of the mystery Alien creature in the mist appears in the distance on his screen. Pausing the footage the Doctor selects the eerie shadow and magnifies the image. Leaning back in his chair the Doctor rubs his head in wonder and curiosity, “What are you?”
Behind him, through the window the unnamed world, once an Eden of nature is now a nightmare planet infested with Aliens. Beyond the planet are stars, but orbiting the planet, heading towards the space station and the planet below, three Space Jockey spacecraft.
The End.
I'm more than happy to hear your views good or bad, your questions and any discussions about any elements of what you've gone out of your way to read.
Frantz
MemberOvomorph01/12/2012Ok ...i will write down my impressions ....
GOOD THINGS
1) you write very well ..im not english mother language but is pretty evident ...everything go perfectly
2) great quantity of details ..so there is the "i feel im there" sensation , great work
3) the action is fluent ...there are no gaps ...everything make sense ...great story flow .
4) good work on characters actions and attitude ..like you know very well the material ( and of course we know !! )
5) the plot have nothing to envy to alien resurrection and always keep you guessing and wanting to read more
LESS GOOD THINGS
1) it borrow too much from alien resurrection ..it can be a perfect sequel but only if there were no movies before ... as it is is a great 4th act of alien resurrection
2) it seems that all the story have not a real mean , it plays with all the elements of alien resurrection and shake them ( great shake btw my friend ) to give a bleak ending or to present the space jockeys . It miss a bit a great picture behind or an original plot behind ...you should have attempted to save the franchise from a dead end and instead you gave it more ( great ) time .
So to me you had to risk more ...be more innovative , avoid cliches and take a coherent but different way
Anyway was a great reading ...and an intriguing great reading is PRICELESS ...ty for your time to entertain me so much .
Gavin
MemberTrilobite01/12/2012@ Frantz...
Thanks for the praise, I'm glad you enjoyed (for the most part) read this.
In response to your "LESS GOOD THINGS"...
Because of Alien-Alien Resurrection, and within the context of those films the only, alleged surviving specimens of the Alien would be held by the USM. Yes I agree it does borrow from the last installment, but it has to really to be able to feature any Aliens and explain the unanswered questions from the last installment. An original idea would have had to bring Aliens in from another source, which is one thing I didn't want to do. such new ideas should be used for a new take on the franchise.
Finally frantz, your telling me your not going to call me out on some of the other points in there (if you can find 'em)???
let me explain a moment for everyone the point of the story, its meaning per se which is in the approach i took toward the story which was four-fold, let me explain:
1. The realisation of Joss Whedons original idea - In Alien Rez their were two hybrids, the Newborn and Ripley 8, but only the Newborn was seen as one. Ripley 8 was instead seen as a superhuman character, instead of a tragic shadow of her former self. I wanted to bring that idea back and show both physically and emotionally. Don't know if I was successful?
2. The end of the line - Should an Alien 5 be made and feature Sigourney Weaver, it would most likely be her last time depicting that part. Furthermore the franchise to date has told us the story of the Alien from the perspective of, and from events involving Ripley. This is Ripleys swansong, her ode, her farewell and the closure of the chapter associated with and any related events.
3. Full Circle - Put simply, it started with the Jockeys and it ends with them. I can't remember where I heard this (sure someone will dig it up), but I heard somewhere that Ripley was meant to have photographic memory, so I placed her in a position where she could not solve the problem herself put instead had to recall the signal from Alien and use it in the hope of a retribution.
4. Less and more of the same - Alien = 1 Alien on a spaceship, Aliens = lots of Aliens on a Planet, Alien 3 = 1 Alien on a planet, Alien Rez = lots of Aliens on a spaceship, My Alien 5 = a combination of 1, 2, 3 (in terms of Ripley dying), and 4. I brought all the ideas together for the finale while adding an original idea to the mix - what if the bad guys won and got what they wanted, instead of the cliche of it all goes wrong like in Alien Rez.
Those are the four ways in which I approached the story. Ultimately this is the bow, the end of the road.
Cervantes
MemberOvomorph01/12/2012Okay Snorkelbottom, here's my own 2 cents on your now completed effort - I reckon it was ****ing AWESOME!
You've easily succeeded in achieving all of the very well thought out objectives you posted above, as far as I'm concerned.
And I don't know about anyone else, but you've even given me a hankering to dig out ALIEN RESURRECTION for another watch sometime soon...which is an achievement in itself, lol!
Although I'll always dislike some of the more risable moments in the movie such as the laughable 'Newborn' design...you've actually made it possible for me to appreciate the characters of 'Ripley clone 8', 'Call', 'Johner', and 'Vriess' a lot more whenever I watch that instalment in future, now that it's 'what happened next?' ending has been 'answered' so effectively by you!
I've never read any 'speculations' for a possible sequel to ALIEN RESURRECTION before, but I certainly think the storyline you've come up with would have made a very satisfying follow-up to the 'cloned Ripley' movie. The imagery and outcomes you came up with for these characters are something I'm hugely impressed with...and I'm gonna print the whole thing out to stick alongside my Blu-rays at some point. WELL DONE INDEED!
Spartacus
MemberOvomorph01/12/2012& I refuse to say what I think "Snorky" until you give me some sugar, I've made an effort here meet me halfway and acknowledge I am alive and funny please?
Cervantes
MemberOvomorph01/12/2012I'll be interested to hear what others think of this storyline eventually, as more get to read it. And I'll certainly be pointing others in this direction to read it too, in future.
@ Spartacus - You were quick off the mark on the new topic I made about my ALIEN 3 'fan-edit' proposal. I hadn't finished adding all the necessary requirements to my initial post before you briefly commented. But I have now, so perhaps you can confirm if it's something you're still able to be involved with, or not, sometime.
No worries if you're unable to, of course, but I'd like this clarified. Thanks.
Spartacus
MemberOvomorph01/12/2012okie dokie I'm On It Bro
Gavin
MemberTrilobite01/13/2012Thanks Cervantes for your kind comments, I am glad that you enjoyed the story as much as you did.
BTW, you said you wanted to print it out, why not head [url=http://www.avpgalaxy.net/forum/index.php?topic=41600.0]HERE[/url] and download it in DOC format.
@ Spartacus, we are cool bro. BTW I loved the picture you posted on the last page so much I posted it on facebook, the cats face is so hilarious man. Would love to know your opinions Sparky you have eagerly awaited each and every installment, so I'm hoping you liked it.
Everyone else? Do you like this story, did anyone spot the hidden gems I stashed away in there.
BTW. I also have some ideas for Predator 4/Predators 2, but I don't know how many of you are Predator fans or if you'd be interested.
Frantz
MemberOvomorph01/13/2012im more interested in how you would have managed a sequel to Aliens .
Gavin
MemberTrilobite01/13/2012@ Frantz - Thats easy Alien 3, just needs to be recut with David Fincher, but if you mean as an alternative take, I would have to think about that one.
Spartacus
MemberOvomorph01/13/2012"SNORKY", I AM TYPING THIS IN CAPS TO BE EMPHATIC BUT I AM NOT SWEARING AT ALL...JUST TAKING A CREATIVE LIBERTY HERE....
THANK YOU BRO...
HERE IS WHAT I THOUGHT.
I LOVED THE ENTIRE STORY BUT THERE WAS ONE THING I WANTED WHICH MATTERS NOT. IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS WORTH MENTIONING TO YOU.
ALL THE SAME THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS READING YOUR STORY I WANTED FOR ONLY ONE THING IN IT.
I GUESSED WHERE YOU WERE GOING WITH ALL THIS AT THE BEGINNING AS I AM SURE YOU ALREADY KNEW FROM MY LITTLE 5 WORD COMMENT "SHE'S BECOMING ONE OF THEM".
BUT WHAT YOU "PROLLY" DID NOT KNOW IS THAT AT THE MOMENT I SAID IT I REALIZED MYSELF THAT THE REAL HERO OF YOUR STORY WAS "JOHNER", AND I WANTED HIM TO LIVE !!!
IT WAS YET ANOTHER BRILLIANT THIN YOU DID KILLING THEM BOTH OFF, BECAUSE IN FICTION AND FAR TOO OFTEN THE GOOD GUYS WIN BUT IN LIFE AND FAR TOO OFTEN THE GOOD GUYS LOSE AND THE BAD GUYS WIN...
IT IS IN THIS REGARD THAT YOUR STORY WORKS SO DAMN WELL, BECAUSE YOU DID NOT GIVE INTO THE SAME OLD CLICHEES NOR ANY DESIRE TO SERVE UP A PHONEY SNOW WHITE INSPIRED ENDING, THE BAD THINGS WIN, PLAIN AND SIMPLE....AND THIS FOR ME MADE IT A MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE READ.
I LOVED WHAT YOU DO WITH THE CHARACTERS OF BOTH VRIEES AND JOHNER
BUT JOHNER FOR ME WAS THE STORYS HERO AND KILLING HIM OFF AS HE ATTEMPTS TO PROTECT SOMETHING WE SUSPECT DEEP DOWN INSIDE HE KNOWS ISN'T QUITE 100% RIGHT WAS INGENIUS AND QUITE ENTERTAINING EVEN THOUGH THE READER {ME} WANTED HIM TO SURVIVE!!!
BLOW ME AWAY AND CALL ME NANCY !!!
I LOVED IT!
THANK YOU!
Gavin
MemberTrilobite01/13/2012You sparky are more than welcome, I have been a fan of Ron's since he played Vincent so I may have biasedly made him more of a hero than intended, but I am glad you liked it.
the question is, which no-one seems to have answered yet, did anyone spot the hidden gems I stashed away in there - untied loose ends, unexplained references etc.
Spartacus
MemberOvomorph01/13/2012I must have missed some in haste as I read though each passage rather quickly but now that you mention it I am going to read this all through once again when I am good and ineibriated and able to take my time over this weekend and try to find them, I will report back!!!!
fun fun fun !!!
Gavin
MemberTrilobite01/13/2012Coming back for seconds eh sparks, try the link I posted higher up on this page for a download of the entire story.
Can you find all the easter eggs, we will see.
Spartacus
MemberOvomorph01/13/2012I'm all over it bro, & TX for the "Head's Up" !!!
I'm flat out addicted...
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v234/LT.HIGHTIMES/nina_crack_whore.jpg[/img]
Spartacus
MemberOvomorph01/13/2012and I can't figure out how to grab the whole thing where is the attachment?
Disclaimer: It's friday and your dealing with a crackwhore over here!
LMAO {Im such a bonehead, I can't figure it out or am giving up too soon out of impatience}
Gavin
MemberTrilobite01/13/2012You just click... [u]Alien 5 proposal[/u] ...after the paperclip on the bottom of the page and then save it to pc/laptop like any download. You may have to register with the site, but it only takes 2 minutes.
Gavin
MemberTrilobite01/15/2012I have just finished turning the document of this into a screenplay.
