Don't Waste Your Money

Caught the movie over Jubilee Holiday, it was a total waste of time. The worst part is, the leaked script from months ago, you know, the script that read so poorly we thought an 8 year old wrote it? It was spot on. The movie was slightly worse than Episode I of Star Wars, for comparison. So, if you liked Episode I, go crazy, spend that cash for top seats in an IMAX theatre. If you are a rational, intelligent human being who works for a living, save yourself the agony and regret and don't bother, wait for the DVD. Despite a fantastic director and stellar cast, nothing can make up for the horrid script. The orchestral score only adds to the mockery, and arguably sounded more fitting to the film War Horse or another SS film. The characters were absurd, dialogue was terrible, and the premise of the entire film was just one big cliche. The alien space ship is controlled by a flute, as in, play the correct tune on the flute to crank the engines. David, our android, speaks the "engineer" language after watching movies for 2 years, and the hieroglyphic control panels were laughable. The movie is geared towards 12-16 year old children, or unimaginative adults. The final scene introduces a "xeno equivalent", after Shaw plants the distress signal that will attract the Nostromo. Here's the plot: Space Humans (we can't call them aliens anymore) seed life on earth, and primitive earth humans leave cave paintings with diagrams of a constellation where the Space Humans (engineers; SJ) originate. However, this origination point is actually a military outpost for a squadron of SJ ships (derelicts), which are warships that carry WMD, specifically biological weapons that augment DNA. A conflict had caused the WMD to contaminate the inhabitants of this installation, and a lucky few SJ escape to hypersleep chambers to wait out the contagion. These SJ were also about to fly to Earth to destroy it. -3500 years later- Shaw and company, with Weyland secretly on board hoping to ask his "creator" what the meaning of life is, show up to this planet, discover the SJ's own contagion had destroyed them (except for the small few who made it to a hypersleep chamber), get themselves infected, and kill each other. In the process, David and Weyland wake up an SJ, who can communicate with David (because, you know, they both speak Mayan), who tears David's head off, and kills whoever is left over. The SJ then plays his trusty SJ flute to power up his ship, and plots a course straight to Earth--because obviously that is the most important thing to do right now, destroy Earth. You've seen most of the rest in the trailer. Shaw, who is exceptionally handy with cliche trinket Sci-Fi BS, like medi-pods and holo-displays (but not flutes), saves herself by running away (after having a C-section to remove a baby face hugger). Shaw is so clever she runs perpendicular to the path of falling objects, rather than in the path of a falling objects (unlike Vickers, who gets squished by the rolling derelict). After the crash, the SJ pilot is even more pissed, shows up to kill Shaw, who ran to a large life support boat the Prometheus ejected prior to going Kamikaze, the same life boat our baby face hugger resides in. The baby face hugger has become a giant face hugger, and impregnates the SJ via the gifs you've already scene. Of course, there needs to be room for a sequel. So, Shaw grabs David's head, who can pilot SJ ships (because he plays the flute and speaks Mayan), and together David and Shaw fly into the sunset with a course plotted to the SJ home world with plans to release their WMD on the SJ there. They fly away at warp speed a la Star Trek. SJ Chest birth to retarded Xeno. Credits. Had I watched this movie in a theatre in London, which costs $50+ for two tickets, I would have requested a refund. Big picture: After the writers strike, or for lack of current creative talent in the movie industry, Fox cashes in on Ridley Scott stock in order to keep profits high. Or: Fox releases Sci-Fi movie without any editing, first for movie industry. Best: Why directors shouldn't revisit their old work in an attempt to explain previously good ideas, a case study in Sci-Fi prequels. The whole picture was a laugh.