A Deplorable Film

After months of speculation, arguing online, reading spoilers, and trying to lower my expectations to experience Prometheus as it was, instead of how I wanted it to be, I left the theater not really feeling much of anything at all. As I got into my car and left the parking lot, all that passion, disappointment, and confusion I felt when I learned the plot a week ago gave way to a resounding, “that was it?” The real mystery of Prometheus has nothing to do with the Engineers, the black goo, the connection to Alien, or what the sequel might bring. No, the real mystery is what exactly happened to the script to make the film such an uneven mess. There are hints of a slow-burn science fiction epic strewn throughout the entirety of Prometheus. The opening scenes showing David keeping himself busy while the crew is in cryosleep particularly stand out as an example of this. In fact, almost all the scenes featuring the mysterious android are intriguing but unfortunately feel like they were taken from another film entirely. They are slow and methodical and are a stark contrast to frenetic choppy moments that seem to litter almost the entirety of the rest of the movie. Lacking in the film is a distinct voice from the director or writer and it meanders about lazily unable to decide if it wants to be a serious science fiction or a cheap thrills prequel after the first half. If you want to probe big ideas like creation, evolution, religion, faith, humanity, and death you better damn well make sure that your execution is spot on and you certainly cannot rely on great visuals to carry you across the finish line. Alien and Blade Runner were classics because they pushed the envelope and did not pander to the audience. Prometheus does not even close to those films because it is very much a commercial product geared for the fans of the Alien franchise as opposed to the standalone “big ideas” vision Ridley Scott promised. A massive amount of content for fanboys was forced into every nook and cranny of the film regardless of how well it fit into the larger narrative of the story. This is the ultimate disappointment when it comes to Prometheus because, for all its squid babies and face smashing, Prometheus ultimately plays it extremely safe. It is afraid to bore the audience and so never commits to any long scenes that may provide exposition. It never slows down, it never gets too high-brow, and it never takes the risk of not giving the audience exactly what it thinks they want (cheap thrills, kills, and plenty of slimy goo). And, for as much as Ridley protested it, it is a by-the-numbers entry into the Alien franchise. As a special effects reel, Prometheus is pretty great. While the creature designs are lacking (in my opinion), the scenic vistas and advanced tech are some of the best I’ve seen. Of course, good special effects and sets do not make a great or even good film. The heart of any good science fiction is the story, and Prometheus’s story crumbles to pieces, much like its pale, bald life creating extraterrestrial, after the crew enters the temple for the first time. It is after this point that most of the crew become lifeless chess pieces moving around a board and doing things solely for the benefit of the audience. Large elongated structure falling on you? Run lengthwise instead of dodging to the side because we want to see you crushed. Esteemed biologist who is scared of Aliens? Not anymore, the audience wants to see something go down someone’s throat like the facehugger so now you want to pet space cobras. Are you a paranoid corporate leader who would most likely bring a small army to a potentially inhabited alien planet in real life? Nope, you actually decided against having a means of protecting yourself should things go belly up. Do you want to take the Alien ship back to earth for further study so mankind can protect itself from extermination? Na, you want to instead take on the entire Engineer planet on your own. I mean, what could go wrong? They are clearly a nice, friendly bunch without a predilection for pummeling humans to death. I could go one but what would be the point? In the end, all of the film’s problems come down to fan service. In the language of cinema, Prometheus sets out to do nothing more than tell us exactly what it thinks we want to hear. It handles its serious topics with all the finesse of a teenager who just watched Ancient Aliens on the history channel for the first time and has taken to the internet to argue his case against all those who would dare question his genius. Sure, he doesn’t know basic biology, theology, evolutionary theory, history or anthropology but if he types in all caps and sticks to his message, eventually the detractors will just give up and go do something else. And this is exactly what I think Lindelof and Ridley were counting on. That all those who would want to really question the film would be met with a deafening, “it’s just a movie, it’s better than Alien Resurrection, get a life.” It does not care about its big ideas beyond the point that they provide jumping off points to the pandering gore and scares that it thinks we so desperately want. And if it doesn’t care, why should the audience?